very bitchy rant... you've been warned

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by thedeafmusician, May 11, 2007.

  1. thedeafmusician

    thedeafmusician Staff Alumni

    fucking parents!! i swear its ALWAYS about mum and dad. it isn't ever fair anymore. but for fucks sake, its ALWAYS about them. i'm sick of having to be here with them, i can't stand it.

    i always get dragged into it. ya know what mum? I DON'T CARE that you dont want dad to take those meds. I DON'T CARE, ok?!?! and pretty please don't drag me into this even more by hiding the meds in my room because you don't want dad to take them. if you haven't forgotten, daddy's a big boy now mother dear, and he CAN make his own decisions for HIMSELF. you're not his mum. you're meant to be mine.

    dad, i don't even KNOW what to say to you anymore. i know that i have to be supportive, and believe me, i'm trying, ok? but for crying out loud, what did you do when i was suicidal and self harming? oh yeah, you tried to stop me from going onto SF. you took away my phone. you RESTRICTED my ability to get help. for crying out loud if it wasn't for SF i dont even know if i'd be here today. you and mum treated it like i was grounded. forgot to do the laundry? no computer. feeling suicidal? no computer, ipod, camera or phone. oh yeah, why not restrict how much piano i can play too?

    it just proves how well you guys even KNOW me anymore. piano was one of the few things keeping me here, it still is. i live for music. although, i don't think you've noticed that. you still think that i'm gonna grow up and go to melbourne uni and major in accounting or business something like that. i have no interest in math. i don't have the drive to follow what you guys do and set up my own business. nor do i want to work for you guys. no way, not after all this shit thats been going on for years. sorry, but i think that you guys have put me off entrepreneurial ventures for life. that and alky. everyone else around me drinks, and i still refuse to touch a single drop. so far, i intend for it to stay that way too.

    mum, you dont even like dad's psych. actually, you dont even like clare. i can understand why you dont like psychs... in your position, and coming from the same sort of background, i prolly would too. sorry... that came out wrong. i don't mean to sound like a bitch and all condescending. i really dont. then again you probably don't believe me on this either. i dont think you get it though, how hard i try to be honest to you.

    all of it, all of this, its just getting to be too much. do EITHER of you even know how much of an effect it has on me? sure, its made me a heck of a lot more mature, its made me grow up. everyone says i'm all mature for my age... i guess its a compliment. but you dont know the bad of it either. i still get bad dreams about it. i'm always tired. i'm not blaming all the tiredness on you guys though - its partly my fault too and i recognise that. although you probably do account for some of it. do you even KNOW how much i worry about you guys? i love yas both... ok? just... well... get it through your heads. i'm so fucking FRUSTRATED at the both of you though. and what pisses me off even more is that i put up with more crap from you guys than the stuff you have to put up with from me. i mean, correct me if i'm wrong, but isn't it meant to be the OTHER WAY AROUND? not that i'd be stupid enough to turn defiant.

    you are both being so immature. i fucking go to school to escape home, and go home to escape school. its almost a living nightmare. at home, what do i get? immature parents who refuse to see the other side of things. and what do i get at school? bitch fights and people bagging my friends. IT AIN'T NICE to bitch about other people in front of them, ok? its badly degrading. and anyway, you go out with J's older brother, who might i add, is 18, and what are you? oh yeah, you're 14. you continually talk about him in front of J, its always 'ohmigod, ryan this, and ryan that.' and then you say that you think J is angry at you. well... i really must say, i WONDER why.

    fucking bitchfights, domestic disputes, fights in myself... its fighting everywhere. theres nowhere, i repeat, NOWHERE, that i can go where i don't have to think about any of this shit. why is life so complicating?!
  2. Smilie46

    Smilie46 Well-Known Member


    why do u think your being bitchy? I don't think you are

    Last edited by a moderator: May 11, 2007
  3. thedeafmusician

    thedeafmusician Staff Alumni

    I am though. I am a bitch though and through.
  4. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Deaf, do you have any relatives you could stay with?
    Cos hun, you need a bloody break!!!! :hug:
  5. Hazel

    Hazel SF & Antiquitie's Friend Staff Alumni

    :hug: I agree with Terry hun, u do need a break, is there anywhere you could go?
    Your parents need a reality check, have they no idea what they are putting you through? If they won't listen to you, could you write them each a letter, would they read it, would they listen to you if it were in black and white in front of them?

    You are not a bitch, you have a lot to put up with, sometimes a 'rant' helps relieve the pressure... let's hope so.
  6. Sa Palomera

    Sa Palomera Well-Known Member

    not bitchy at all, hun :hug: :hug:

    And me thinks Terry has a point :arms:
  7. ~CazzaAngel~

    ~CazzaAngel~ Staff Alumni

    No you aren't hunny, beleive me. So sorry you are going through what you are, you don't deserve it you never deserved it hun, I know you feel like you are a bad person or as you say "bitch" but I don't beleive that for one minute, neither should you. We are here for you hun, please know we care and I'm here for you anytime, is the no place you can stay other than where you are, it's not healthy at all. :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:
  8. thedeafmusician

    thedeafmusician Staff Alumni

    I'm living in the past. i should get over it. What's over is done and i can't fucking change it and so I shouldnt complain about it either. but its no fair, i can't ever talk to anyone without getting into trouble. >.<

    where can i go? i can't go anywhere. i'm a minor. i dont have any relatives here that are old enough to take care of me other than mum and dad. going overseas to see my aunts uncles etc in the middle of school would be stupid, and i definitely wouldnt be allowed to anyway. i can't stay at friends houses forever, and it would mean having to tell them what's going on, and i also am not allowed to do that. as a last resort, there's always boarding school, but i don't want to go there. mum threatens it often enough anyway. it would be soooo much fucking easier for everyone if i just wasn't here. :cry:

    i'm so tired
    Last edited by a moderator: May 12, 2007