Very close

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by naksan, Jun 19, 2010.

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  1. naksan

    naksan Member

    to ending it.

    Nothing is going my way and I've lost all hope things will ever get better.

    I struggle with an array of problems. At the core of it is my severe anxiety, general and social. Going through every day feeling this anxiety, tension and nervousness which I have no idea where comes from is so exhausting and draining my energy. My confidence is awful and I feel inferior to everyone. Can hardly talk to people or make connections. In addition I'm a compulsive gambler and am in alot of debt because of it. I know it's stupid, it always ends with losses, as I can't seem to leave the blackjack table until all the money is gone. Yet I keep depositing money to online gambling sites, I don't know, it's an escape. When I gamble it makes me forget about all the other crap.

    Rushing thoughts, brain fog, over-analyzing every situation, paranoia and whatelse, all part of my daily life.

    I'm so emotionally inhibited and find it hard to talk to anyone about my problems, even to people I trust. I keep pretending everything is fine but that is far from the truth. The shame, embarrassment and not wanting to be a burden keeps me from doing it.

    Lately I've been drinking alot, it's the only time I can tolerate being awake, when I'm intoxicated. I'm aware this won't solve anything in the long run of course, but it's so easy to not care when everything is shit anyways.

    Well that's the gist of it. It's all so overwhelming. Every day is a struggle and I'm so utterly tired of living like this.

    Thanks for reading...
  2. hchy

    hchy New Member

    I hear you and feel your pain Naksan. Please try and hold on. Though you can't see it or feel it, there is a way out of the hole you're in. Please hold on for me.
  3. girlblue

    girlblue Active Member

    are you my twin? i am in such a deep flippin hold and I don't know what to do. I want to run away, but what would thatr solve. I want o take pills to kill myself, but I am not sure that I have enough. Oh dear Lord, I need help with figuring out my next move. I am blinded by fear!
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