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Very confused, Very alone

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Anna, Jul 2, 2007.

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  1. Anna

    Anna Active Member

    I apologize to everyone, I feel as though I've been a thorn in everyones side. Flip flopping on whether or not to stay on here, not really writing much or replying to other peoples threads. I at times feel I have nothing to contribute. I have only let out about a quarter of myself on what I have posted. I feel like a complainer.

    My mind and soul are so tortured, be it because of my chronic depression (25 yrs. or so now) or the pills I take. Probably both.

    All I know is my faith in God, people and myself is pretty much non existent at this point.
    I was raised to believe suicide was wrong. So I have struggled with whether to or not.But all my mind thinks about is ending the pain.
    I could win a million dollars and it wouldn't make me the least bit happy. If anything I feel it would cause more problems. The problem is in my head, heart and soul and money can not fix my mental state.

    I did something terrible today. My roommate went away for the week to see her mother (her moms b-day is July 4th) I was a total bitch the whole way taking her to the airport. I never said bye or have a nice time, just sped off pissed. I hate to say it but I am jealous, she still has her mom and I don't. I was very mean to my roomie and I feel awful. I'm a terrible person.

    The being alone part is what has me scared. I feel as though I may do something. Even though I have a dog here to take care of, I feel I may just overdo it, because I know there's no one here to save or stop me.
    The couple friends I do have drink alot and I really don't want to be around that.

    I once posted that I wanted people out there to pray that God would grant my wish and let me die. Today I ask if people could pray that I make it through the week and make it to my drs. appointment next Monday.
    I can't tell him about the pills I've been taking. Last time I did back in March of 06 he sent me to the hospital, and there is just no way I could ever go back there.
    I need Gods help, but I think he has abandoned me.
    Sorry so long, just needed to write.
    Thanks if you read this and say a prayer or comment.

  2. junkie

    junkie Guest

    I know how you feel as I'm alone for the next couple of days. Hang in there.

    If you're not honest with your doc it's harder for him to really help you.
  3. Anna

    Anna Active Member

    Thanks everyone.:sad:
  4. junkie

    junkie Guest

    What kinda dog you have? I've got a dalmation and a chihuahua/daschund mutt.
  5. Marvin7148

    Marvin7148 New Member

    Hello Anna,

    When your mom passed away? Did you started to feel like this after your mom's death? Well I also living alone since 10 years, I too lost my mom 3 years ago, felt lost for few months then you know! It's life we have to keep going.

    Well you have a dog thats cool, then you can't say you are alone because you have a man's best friend.

    Do not hide anything from the Doc because he is the one who's going to prescribe medication for you.

  6. ace

    ace Well-Known Member

    Anna,please don't feel like you're complaining or blame yourself for anything I understand that you're feeling really down and depressed it's not your fault.I just want to tell you that I will pray for you and be here in any way I can for you,I'm sorry you aren't feeling the best.
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