Very confused

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Mike B, Aug 10, 2007.

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  1. Mike B

    Mike B New Member

    Hello im new here and I am very confused to if i actually am suicidal or not.....I am 19 year old male who has had a anxiety disorder for 3 years now and and now cannot stop thinking about the "subject" suicide i don't think about killing myslef its just the subject suicide....does this mean that i am suicidal....Evertime i hear the word suicide i get a strong fear come on to i hope that this is just anxiety, this obsessive thought is always on my mind, it's making me depressed very badly becasue its a very very scary thought and its stuck in my mother commited suicide when i was 14 and i have been thinking about her lots latley...i dunno if that has a role in my thoughts....i mean i go out and do stuff and i enjoy them, i laugh i play sports i do alot of stuff that makes me happy but this thought is killing me, its making me feel depressed...I fear that i am going to loose control and end up doing it, its a strong fear that gives me bad butterflys all day....sometimes i will get these anxiety attacks and worry at that time i will end it...can anyone please tell me if i am suicidal or not...i just can't believe its stick in my head....
  2. lost_child

    lost_child Well-Known Member

    Hi Mike,

    Welcome to SF, sorry you had to find us but you will find support and understanding here.

    I'm sorry to hear about your mum. **hugs**, If your having thoughts of death & suicide then you, in my opinion you are suicidal. (sorry)

    Ask yourself some of the questions below...
    Then Notice -

    * What thoughts go through your head ?
    * What emotions do you feel ?

    Do You Want To Live ?

    * How do you feel about life and living ?
    * How do you really feel right now, about your existence here on Earth ?
    * Are you happy to be alive ?
    * Do you feel a joy for living ?
    * Do you look forward to each day ?
    * Have you found your purpose in life ?
    * Have you found a way to help others ?
    * Have you found your own way of creating, producing, or contributing something good into the world ?

    Do You Want To Die ?

    * Are you not-so-glad to be alive ?Are you unhappy to be alive ?
    * Do you wish you were not alive ?
    * Do you dread each day ?
    * Do you ever have suicidal thoughts ?
    * Do you want to commit suicide ?
    * Do you ever think about actually killing yourself ?
    * Do you have a negative or cynical view of the potential of the world ?
    * Does it all seem hopeless, pointless, and futile ?

    Are You Having Any Other Symptoms ?

    Moody, Negative, Complainy, Pessimistic outlook, Overly sensitive, Easily Upset, Argumentative, Low Energy, Fatigue, Sleep More Than Usual, or Can't Sleep Eat More or Eat Less, Loss of Interest in Usual Activities, Difficulty Working or Concentrating, Sadness, Sorrow, Discouragement, Disappointment Disillusion, Hopelessness, Despair.

    A Healthy Normal Person...
    Enthusiastically Wants to Live...
    And NEVER has a suicidal thought enter their mind...

    I would speak to your GP/friend/family about how your feeling, if your starting to think of death you should seek help and support before you thinking goes to action...

    Thinking of you.

  3. Blackness

    Blackness Guest

    I think you might be. I mean if you want to die so bad, can live another day, have planned how you're gonna, then you are suicidal in my opinion.
  4. Mike B

    Mike B New Member

    okay i will try and answer every question, i have a bunch of differen't thoughts but the one that is bringing on FEAR is suicide, i don't image killing myself it's just the subject suicide that scares me.

    I feel good most the time but soon as this thought comes on now its like taking over me, there will be some days where i will not think about it as much and i'll have a blast.

    Yes i want to live untill a very old old age, i want to expeirence new things i want to have a great career. Yes i want to live.

    Right now this fear of suicide is making me sick, and its making my existence on earth feel scared.

    Just 2 months ago before this thought came on i was very happy to be alive, right now i'm still happy to be alive but i'm not happy with this thought, my body is full of joy but this thought is taking over, when i wake up in the morning my body and mind is telling me i should look foward but the obsessive thought it not.

    ok....the thing is i don't actually think about killing myself, i just think about suicide and how a personb can actually do it, what frame of mind are they in when they do it, im afriad that i will go in that frame of mind and do it..

    before this thought i used to fear i was dying, i convinced myself i had cancer, i remember i had fear i was going to go crazy now i fear i am going to commit suicide...

    thats why i am confused if i am suicidal or not, i was told buy another forum that is was feeds on fear... what im thinking and hoping that its my generalized anxiety mixed with some obsessive compulsive thoughts that are stuck in my head like a broken record album, i have had the same thoughts in my head go on for months but now this one has come on and i think why its come on is because i fear it the most and axiety feeds on fear...
  5. liveinhope

    liveinhope Well-Known Member

    Did anything happen to you 2 months ago when these thoughts came into your head?? Im not sure you are suicidal, but i do suspect that you are depressed, especially the thoughts you have had about dying of cancer ect. but hun im no Dr have you been to see yours? if not i think that would be a good starting place depression can be treated it would be good to go now and have a chat so that these thoughts dont become to powerful. Im glad you have found SF and hope you find it of some help , perhaps try going into chat and talking to other members you will find many people here of your age with similar feelings I sorry about your mum that must have been a very hard time in yor life and im sure still is TC hun:hug:
  6. Mike B

    Mike B New Member

    I started thinking of my mom and how her life ended and i got super worried i would do the same
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