Very depressed, need advice

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by avariver12, Jun 17, 2010.

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  1. avariver12

    avariver12 New Member

    Hello, I'm new to this forum and hoping to get some advice/support. I first started feeling depressed about 5 years ago but my depression and social anxiety disorder got really bad again about a year and a half ago. During that time, I saw four different therapists, made a suicide attempt and spent 4 days in the hospital, and have been on various dosages and medications. Currently I am on 225 mg of Effexor (I believe that's the highest dose, forgive me if that's a mistake), 300 mg of Wellbutrin (again I think that's the highest dose...) and 1 mg of Klonopin.
    I am a college student right now and this past school year was very difficult for me. I felt extremely lonely and homesick; I don't have any friends at school because I can't drink alcohol due to my medication. I do have a good group of friends in my hometown, so I was really looking forward to returning home for the summer. However, things have not gone as well as I would've hoped. Three weeks into the summer my best friend had to move across the country for an internship.
    My other friends have been busy with jobs but I have yet to find a summer job. I've applied at dozens of places but obviously everyone is having a hard time due to the economy. I do have work experience but I've only had temporary jobs (no more than 6 months at a time) and I was essentially fired from both of them. (I was a cashier at Target one summer in high school, if I hadn't quit in time for the school year I would've been fired because I didn't convince enough people to sign up for the Target store credit cards. During some summer and winter breaks I've done office work at the law firm where my mother is employed--but I never had enough work to do so I would spend my spare time reading. I was reprimanded for this and told I wasn't doing my job correctly, so I doubt I will get any kind of positive reference for that employer). I've been searching for a summer job for about 2 months, and there is a lot of pressure on me to find work and contribute to my tuition bills. I live in a small town where there are few jobs available in the first place, and I'm not in a position to commute or move to another area for a job. My parents both have low income jobs and we are struggling a lot financially.
    I'm single, have never dated, and just feel extremely depressed about every aspect of my life. I'm unemployed, I have no money, no friends at college, and the only friends I do have I see on a limited basis for 3 months out of the school year. The future does not look very good to me either. I know these are all temporary problems that can be fixed, but I am just too depressed to see a way out of it right now. I don't want to keep on living because I am just so bored and tired of waking up every morning just to lay around my parents' house, feeling lazy and useless. I have no energy. I consider it a good day if I muster up the energy to brush my teeth. Little errands like grocery shopping or taking a shower seem too troublesome and time consuming. I had to stop going to therapy several months ago because I could no longer afford it, and it's definitely not a option now in my current financial situation.
    Any advice or support would be really appreciated, thanks.
  2. jane doe

    jane doe Well-Known Member

    You know i have been in your situation, like many of us here. I was also fired from my job for not showing up ever again (because i was depressed already) i had no money and could not afford for college. You say you cannot see your friends, but you know? they are there still. Even if they are far, u know u can email them and get them to tell you how much they┬┤ve missed you. You can always call your parents and tell them how much you love them and how you need them now. Tell them how you feel. They are your parents and no matter how Unworthy of your trust they seem,parents always will be there for you.
    In the meantime, welcome to our forums where u can always find the support u need (i hope) <33
  3. fannin

    fannin Member

    I honestly wish friends were enough.

    Spending time around them helps, but seeing they're content and uber-functional leaves me more despairing. The contrast to me is painful.

    Would anyone here accept a session face to face with others on the Forum? Think it could make a difference to look into each others' eyes - as opposed to keys on a computer - and collectivize the plan of attack? No one seems abusive, judgmental or superior around these parts. I could see spending an hour away from a lonely room candidly talking out what so many of us feel.

    Pretty cheeky, I guess.
  4. Scully

    Scully Well-Known Member

    Don't give up! It's clear you are stronger than you think, because your message says you want to be happy, you don't want to die. My advice is to accept the help of people close to you, and if you can't, see a professional about your issues. That's what I do, I go to a medical center, I did it just two days ago, just to talk. Hang in there, and keep on talking, you are not alone.
  5. Scully

    Scully Well-Known Member

    I would love to meet people from here. but I live in France and not many people live in France around here I believe.

    I forgot to say, there is also a chat here, and it helped me a lot these days. Thank you Kelly :)
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