Feeling very down checked my score on the check list thingy and i scored 54. Things have been really hard to cope with lately it was my birthday yesterday i was treated to a day in paris which should have been a happy time but all the time i was there it was like i was trapped in my own hell of anxiety ,worry & depression i was so overwhelmed by my emotions i was finding it hard to hold the tears in i could not spoil it for my parents. I could not realx i was constantly worried about being able to get back home and to get the train back home and also i was worried about getting to the toilet when i needed too. I was worried about my health amunst other things too. I could only relax when we where on the train going home. i also constanly worry whats going to happen to me if anything happened to my parents because i am too ill to work and to do normal things. that worry is always stuck in my mind. i am currently seeing mental health and becuase of that my counselor cut my session short she said that they would be able to help me longer term but they are not helping. they offer meds but no support at all i have been put on to a waiting list for once a month anxiety magement but thats about it. no counseling unless i go private which i cant afford it looks like i wont be getting counseling. i do not like life at all i have been looking in to ending it but i cant for 2 reasons 1:i cannot find a good enough way to end it i would not want to suffer and theres no 100% guarantee that i would be sucsessful 2:I could not face hurting my parents in such a way that would devistate them they lost my sister a long time ago and that devistated them if i took my life i fear it would finish them and i could not leave knowing that i hurt them that much. because of this i feel trapped. I could cope better with life if i just had mild depression but anxiety panic worry and all the negative thoughts that go with it make it hard for me to function. Also if i could sleep that would be something. I just want to sleep and it would not bother me if i sleep alot more then i should its what i need is sleep so i do not feel so run down.