I have recently started feeling extremely fearful to the point where I shiver and cry every night in bed. My mind keeps telling me that I'm stupid, worthless, useless, an idiot, undeserving and that I'm trash. I already know all of that is true but my brain keeps repeating them in that loud voice that's making me afraid. I'm scared to go to bed. I'm scared to be alone. I told my therapist about it and she told me to recognise that it's not entirely my fault that things had to turn out this way. I thought, if that was true, why am I the only one being punished for everything? I used to believe that justice existed, but seeing all the people who bullied me in the past being successful and happy, I can't help but feel indignant and bitter. I don't get it. The only logical explanation I can give myself is that yes I am put here for a reason, and the reason is to be a clown for everyone, a stepping stone. I feel like it's about time I left. I have no place in this world. I don't belong on Earth. I don't belong anywhere. I should end my existence.