i find it to hard to post, sorry if this is worthless or doesnt make any sence.. i dont no whether to post or not, so i guess ill try. i just have to say - even though it may well not make any differnce, that: i dont want people worrying about me. i just cant face posting threads about me anymore. i cant reach out for help any longer. maybe i just dont want to. god this thread is going to be a load of ****. sorry. Parents and family would have a normal life without me, yes they would never (apparently) get over my death, but they would still be happier.a perfect family without there stupid idiot for a daughter and sister..friends wouldnt have to worry why i wasnt around or online or anything. theyd not have to look after me. i SHOULD be able to look after myself. i Should be able to want to live. but i do NOT.... i just dont. i want death. i dont want to fail and wake up in a hospital again, or be found unconscious on the floor. i want death. i'm hurting so much. so dam much. these words dont even feel like my own anymore. im not even real. to think, year ago, they promised it would get better 'soon' :cry: They Promised.