Very low today.

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by Mortal Moon, Dec 2, 2009.

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  1. Mortal Moon

    Mortal Moon Well-Known Member

    I was doing okay for a while, but today I just lost it and started crying uncontrollably for the first time in weeks. I don't know what brought it on; nothing really special happened today, other than seeing my therapist.

    I feel so sad and confused... I can't put it into words, really. I don't want to live, but I'm afraid to die. I just want to cry myself to sleep and not have to wake up.

    And the worst part is, I don't know how to express this to my mom and others in a way that they'll understand. I'm trapped in this all-encompassing despair, and I don't even know how to talk about it. Every time I try, it comes up short. I feel completely isolated, unable to communicate with anyone. All I can do is cry and hope that it ends soon.

    I need a hug :sad:
  2. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    I have trouble expressing myself as well. Sometimes, I write it on paper and give it to the person I want to understand.

  3. Mortal Moon

    Mortal Moon Well-Known Member

    I've tried to write down my feelings a number of times, and it doesn't work. It comes out wrong. I just can't find the right words.

    One reason I love SF is that I can simply make a post that says that I'm miserable and I want to die, without any further explanation, and everyone here will know exactly what I'm talking about. We've all been there. We all know that it goes deeper than language can express. All I ask from others is to understand my pain- no solutions, no suggestions, just sympathy. And I get that in spades here.

    My mom claims she's never been suicidal. I'm not sure whether I believe her or not- she is indeed a very strong person, but I can't imagine living for almost 50 years and never once even contemplating it. In any case, every time I talk to her about what I'm going through, I can tell she doesn't quite get it. And that's incredibly frustrating, because she's the one person I wish would "get it" more than anyone else in the world.
  4. DrivEthermissIon

    DrivEthermissIon Banned Member

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