this has not been a good day at all. i was released from the state hospital with the legal understanding that i would participate in the local continueing care program. today i got in trouble with them, again. it wasn't actually my fault but i'm the one who can be injured by the fallout so it's my mess regardless. i have to go to the program center 3 days a week and we have occassional field trips. this last feild trip was to the federal building for a talk about various goverment benefits. to get in to the building one must walk through a metal detector and have one's bag inspected. that's where the problem came in. i carry a large tote bag filled with stuff and sundries. it's a strange compulsion thing. the bag weights about 40lbs. and has a few/some contraband for federal buildings items in there. i know i carry alot of seemingly strange stuff, but all for a good reasons. and i understand that it's odd, but it feels extremelly nessessary for me have all this stuff with me to leave the house at all. the security people wouldn't let me in the building, they wouldn't keep the bag out at the desk, and i wasn't permitted to leave it on the bus....so none of us were able to stay for the lecture. they said that was my fault even though i told them i would happily find my way home; and earllier had told them when they pulled up in the building parkinglot that i couldn't go in there, if they'd have told us ahead of time i would have told them then......but none of that. they just herded us to the bus and then will we or nill we off to the federal building. oh man, they will have to tell my case administrator. it might not even have been so bad but the opera rehersal didn't go well either. Really, sitting in the dark for an hour and a half listening to people i don't know wailing and hollering in a language i couldnt even recognize is like something straight from my nightmares. it was somebody else who really did the interupting. i was just sitting in the last chair near the light coming through the window in the door listening to static on my mp3 player..... but he's never responsible for anything, while i "should know better!!" i think they (the staff) were embarassed in both places. they know i'm a bit excentric/odd, but they forget sometimes that i'm not a client strictly by choice or as some kind of volunteer and then they get cranky and start making all sorts of emotional and fairly non-professsional statments and comense with the getting out of several sorts of hoops through which i will be forced to jump. worse, we were invited to the rehersal by the wife of head of staff ( she is in the opera) and so i was told "your bad behavior did not reflect well on this program" even though i was quiet through the whole thing, shaking,sweating and puking in the ladies room but quiet, really. it's an ugly mess. and it's not done yet, they are accusing me of non compliance and i'll have to speak with the director of the program and most likely my case administator assigned to me. an aid told me i'm really going to get it this time.