I've been contending, even more than previously, with the idea of killing myself lately. I've been feeling very disconnected from the world lately. It feels like I'm the boy in a glass case. Even if someone did notice there's something wrong with me, I would never tell them about it. I feel like I could actually kill myself, given enough motivation, or enough absence of motivation to stay alive. Before, it was mostly just a thought, but now it's a real possibility. I flip a coin on it every few days. I say "Heads: I keep living. Tails: I off myself." Every fucking time, it lands on heads so I say "Heads: I die. Tails: I live" and it lands on tails. Either I have the shittiest luck or some higher power is being a prick. I'm constantly thinking about dying every minute of every day. Getting that damn coin to land on tails may be all the motivation I need.