Very Possible I'll End Myself Soon

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Moses, Jan 6, 2012.

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  1. Moses

    Moses Well-Known Member

    I've been contending, even more than previously, with the idea of killing myself lately. I've been feeling very disconnected from the world lately. It feels like I'm the boy in a glass case. Even if someone did notice there's something wrong with me, I would never tell them about it. I feel like I could actually kill myself, given enough motivation, or enough absence of motivation to stay alive. Before, it was mostly just a thought, but now it's a real possibility. I flip a coin on it every few days. I say "Heads: I keep living. Tails: I off myself." Every fucking time, it lands on heads so I say "Heads: I die. Tails: I live" and it lands on tails. Either I have the shittiest luck or some higher power is being a prick. I'm constantly thinking about dying every minute of every day. Getting that damn coin to land on tails may be all the motivation I need.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 6, 2012
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    I am so sorry you are feeling so awful, and I do know what it is like to put the control in someone other power...had a few rounds of this myself...maybe here you can post about how you are feeling as a rehearsal to talking about it IRL...I also find that some suicidal thinking is like OCD and does take over all other perceptions when the pain is that great...please see what you can do to start a dialogue about what is going on for you and what care you need so you can then work with someone...you deserve to feel better
     
  3. Moses

    Moses Well-Known Member

    You always make me feel better, Sadeyes. I really appreciate your input. Thank you
     
  4. 1Lefty

    1Lefty Well-Known Member

    I hope you'll stick around, as well.

    You may find that many people here feel or felt the way you do - me being one of them. I describe mine as being a refugee from a home I can never return to. Struggling to survive in an atmosphere that is not especially friendly. Fortunately, I have this community to come to, they understand me, not judge me. I don't have to explain or justify to them.

    Please post more, we're excellent listeners. And you may already know how we try to support and encourage each other. You're important to us.
     
  5. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I think hun the higher beings are sending you a msg for you to hang on and hold out here some okay You will meet new people here make new friends and feel that void of loneliness a bit
    Keep talking okay hun it helps to release some of those thoughts and sadness hugs to you
     
  6. prakash

    prakash Well-Known Member

    Moses, hang on and keep posting here. You deserve better. You will live.
     
  7. Speedy

    Speedy Staff Alumni

    Dear Moses,

    I want you to know that I relate so much to your post. Sometimes, I find myself trapped with a negative outlook as well, hopelessly searching for motivation to live....I hope support, understanding and love can help you get through these dark times. Take care of you, and well done posting here. :hug:

    Alex
     
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