Very scared and feeling very lonely

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by barelymakingit, Aug 10, 2012.

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  1. My daughter got divorced and gets to see my grandkids every otherweek. I have come down with cancer and told my
    daughter that it is very important to me to see her and my grandkids whenever they are with her but she told me that she wants me to visit them less often. I became very depressed, lonely and have had suicidal ideations since last week.
    Any help will be very welcome. Thanks for listening.
     
  2. Very scared and feeling very lonely with suicide ideations

    My daughter got divorced and gets to see my grandkids every otherweek. I have come down with cancer and told my
    daughter that it is very important to me to see her and my grandkids whenever they are with her but she told me that she wants me to visit them less often. I became very depressed, lonely and have had suicidal ideations since last week.
    Any help will be very welcome. Thanks for listening
     
  3. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

  4. exkend

    exkend Well-Known Member

    Re: Very scared and feeling very lonely with suicide ideations

    I am very sorry that your daughter can't find the time or effort to come round and see you. What kind of relationship do you have with your daughter? Have you told her of your cancer? Some people run away when someone is chronically/terminally ill, maybe it's all to much for her. Have you any other sources of support? Sometimes you have to step back and let others do what they can to find comfort whilst the rest of us have to deal with the pain.

    God Bless
     
  5. Re: Very scared and feeling very lonely with suicide ideations

    exkend....thanks for your reply. I have no friends as I have social phobia along with depression and anxiety all my life. My daugter lives nearby and has a bigger place than my small apartment so it's easier to go to her house. I have told her of my cancer which is NHL and with no hear and losing of 26 lbs. you can't miss seeing me as a cancer patient. She tells me she loves me and I've had a very close relationship with the 3 grandkids since they were born and them with me. She says for now that I should see her and the kids
    one less day for now so she can be with them alone but I worry she'll take more days away. This has caused anticipatory anxiety
    and drpression with suicidal ideations. I've been told I might need 2 more chemo sessions and a lot of followups and I don't
    think my daughter should have brought up the topic of less visits now where even my doctor agrees with me.
     
  6. Terry....thanks for your reply. I live in the US and let me daughter know that I want to see my grandkids on the same schedule as before
    minus 1 day every two weeks. I have anticapitory anxiety and suicide thoughts thinking she might cut out more visitation days in the future.
     
  7. pickwithaustin

    pickwithaustin Staff Alumni

    I am sorry that you are feeling down, but I have confusion over your suicidal thoughts. While I can understand your desire to see the grand children, even if more time was reduced, would not even one minute in a week be worthwhile time for you in loving of these kids? Treasure every second of something as special as they - don't talk about going away.
     
  8. pickwithaustin....thanks for your thoughts. I am so close to the 3 of them(5,7 and 9 years) since their birth and with the cancer I'm going
    through(even my doctor said that thier should be no drastic change now) I just fell into a deep depression even though it's one day now
    I'm anticipating more days to come, but I hope not. I was not seeing them as much before the cancer but now with no hair and a loss
    of 26 lbs. from the chemo and maybe more chemo to come I was already depressed. I'll try to follow your words "Treasure every second of something as special as they - don't talk about going away. I'll see what happens when I get to see them again starting next Monday.
     
  9. Re: Very scared and feeling very lonely with suicide ideations

    Exkend let me also add that I've suffered with depression since I was 8 years old and have attempted suicide at least three times and obviuosly failed. This time feel like trying again and not failing. The pain is that great.
     
  10. Re: Very scared and feeling very lonely with suicide ideations

    Let me also add that I've suffered with depression since I was 8 years old and have attempted suicide at least three times and obviuosly failed. This time feel like trying again and not failing. The pain is that great.
     
  11. exkend

    exkend Well-Known Member

    Re: Very scared and feeling very lonely with suicide ideations

    Hello again, I am so sorry for your suffering. I think what is happening with you and your daughter is anticipatory grief, this coupled with a history of depression and anxiety puts all of you under a huge amount of strain. Your daughter could be pulling away because she needs to be able to function as a mother before being a daughter. She has her own priorities and her own fears. Try to understand that she does not have the understanding, strength or wisdom to manage such a crisis. This is somrthing you might just have to accept. However that does not mean you have to face this alone. There must be other avenues of support to explore, start with your care team, doctors, nurses, friends, anyone and everyone. Your fighting and moving forward will send a powerful message to your daughter and grandkids.

    God Bless
     
  12. Re: Very scared and feeling very lonely with suicide ideations

    Exkend....thanks for your reply. I spoke with my doctor and he agrees that until I'm in full remission that I shouldn't change my routine
    with my kids so that my healing will not be interrupted. I'm not asking and will not ask her to manage my situation. All I want is time with her and the kids as it has been for the last 8 years. I have no friends do to social phobia but would look for a support group. My suicide thoughts and depression are still with me as they have been in the past. I can only hope she will not go ant further than the one day reduction.
     
  13. Re: Very scared and feeling very lonely with suicide ideations

    exkend.....just to add to my last post...if I can't be with my grandkids as I had been for 8 years I'd rather not be here and suicide will be my option.
     
  14. exkend

    exkend Well-Known Member

    Re: Very scared and feeling very lonely with suicide ideations

    I can only imagine the stress you and your family are under. I can understand why your doctor suggests you do not change your routine, but I have to respectfully challenge your emotional expectations. I am trying to be objective by saying that your daughter is going through her own challenges regarding your cancer and history of emtional problems. I think this is something you need to factor into your needs and expectations of the relationship. Some people especially those who we expect so much from can cave in and retreat when the pressure becomes to much and we often find ourselves alone and desperate because our emotional resources are only limited to a few key relationships. I hope your daughter can find a way to see you as often as possible and that you do get to spend as much time with your grand kids as possible too. I will be hoping and praying that you will find a way forward.

    God Bless
     
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