very scary.makes me sick.

Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by against the current, Dec 7, 2007.

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  1. OMGoodness! i'm shaking as i try to write this out. i need to get my story out...i've been holding it inside for too long and it's slowly killing me. the only person i've told what happened to me is my fiance 2 years ago and i'm beginning to think that it was a huge mistake

    my truth:
    i was r*p*d by an acquaintance when I was almost 19...i'm 26 now. it was graduation night from highschool. went to a party...did some drinking (stupid of me, my fault!) passed out, sleepy...i wake up and and have to go to the restroom. i go into the restroom and this guy pushes his way in behind me. this guy is crushing me, r*p*ng me. i couldn't even fight him off, just laid there while he ripped me apart. the worst thing is i don't eve nreally know who itwas...althoughi have a good was his cologne...i know theway he smelled.

    whe n i told my fiance he says: 'you had s*x with another guy!?" i couldn't believe it...i finally get up enough courage to say it and this is what he says. he apologizes the next day, said it just shocked him. but he then had the nerve to ask if i was flirting with the guy to begin with..i wasn't!!! but it makes me think well maybe i should have done something differently or not have done something.

    trouble is now, since telling my fiance i've been having more flashback type memories, i rarely sleep well..i'm more withdrawn, depressed, numb myself constantly. my fiance likes s*x and gets mad when i pull away, he gets mad! (we fight about it more than we should). but it's like he's totally forgotten that I even told him i was r*p*d. he doesn't understand that the r*p* is what is affecting me so...he thinks i just don't like him anymore. i can't say anything more about it..i'm too embarrassed and scared. i 'm just grossed out by me...i hate my life, i really do!
    sorry for all the negativism
    thanks for the space,
    against the current
  2. Hae-Gi

    Hae-Gi Banned Member

    Your boyfriend sounds completely clueless, and he clearly lacks empathy. It's not your fault this happened to you; even if you had been completely naked, no one has the right to do anything to you!

    I'm really sorry to hear about this horrible thing that has happened to you. The punishment for such deeds should be undescribably grim.
  3. RySp123

    RySp123 Guest

    I must agree with this statement and refraining from adding to it.

    The only thing that comes to my mind is to have an open talk with him
    and to explain to him what hiis pushing too far on his part in doing 's*x'
    is doing to you. It uncounciuosly recalls and provokes flashbacks from
    the rape. If he doesn't understand, I recomment a therapist consultation
    for couples..... doesnt matter if you are married or not, living together or

    p.s. I wonder if he was as pushy before you told him or always been this way in intimate relations?

  4. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    You are feeling guilty for something that is not your fault. Your BF already knows you "had sex" with this guy, so simply tell him that it was essentially a rape and that is what is making you feel so strange and withdrawn (assuming he does not already know this, which he should). This will give him some perspective and it will also allow you to show your true feelings. If he does not believe you regarding the fact that it was involuntary, then he is a fucking prick who does not deserve you. This (IMO) will drastically improve or destroy your relationship.

    Also, please know that most people who are raped try to fight briefly but do not believe that what is happening is actually "happening", so they don't "fight" as much as one would expect as a result of the shock factor. By the time they understand what is going on, it's over, so please do not feel like you had anything to do with this or that you could have prevented it. You are absolutely normal regarding your response.

    If your fiance will not give you support and/or offer to kill that cocksucker, then dump him immediately because he doies not deserve your love.
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 7, 2007
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