Very slow update

[Bleepo]

This is my first post in a couple of years.

Last post I had I was falling asleep on sleeping pills while trying to end things with <Mod Edit:Methods:CocaCola>. My full-size truck went through a full tank of gas and I'm still here.
@
Other than the stigma of the people I tried to leave behind having my note etc I also had some physical effects. Mild brain damage I suppose. I was always quick with my wit and was fairly smart. These days its gone. Without drinking or drug use of any kind its as if I'm impaired.

My situation has gone from bad to worse. I'm now unemployed and homeless. I keep wanting to try again but I'm afraid of failure, not to mention I can't afford that method again.

 

[Samara]

I get what you mean by the cognitive failure. Though I have not put myself through the same situation you had, with the tank full; however I find my mind drawing blanks, I absolutely forget what it was I wanted to say. I am unable to convey points many times when I am trying to, and otherwise could have clearly done such. I am very forgetful as well.

I am going to just welcome you back here though.... it seems everywhere else that you go, fails you. All the other directions are very rough, and disappointing. Perhaps this forum can be a place where you can slowly lift yourself up again in a safe place. It sounds like you could really use a support system right now, that is outside of yourself.

I will just say that I hope you can express yourself more here, and let out the demons inside that keep dragging you down. Give them a place to release, so they aren't releasing into your real life, and preventing you from improving, or preventing you from getting the things you want etc...

It is really brave for you to come back and post again. I hope that you can feel at home here, even though you mentioned you are homeless; I hope that situation can turn around for you. It's very hard to not have a place where you can belong, and lay your head down at night, and feel comfortable.... it's a basic need in life, and you most certainly deserve it. I hope you can find that for yourself.

Though I am uncertain of where you live, I wonder if there is a public resource available that could provide housing for you, even if just temporary, or a service where you live that helps people find more permanent homes?

 

[Lps]

Wow, what a lot you've been through. There is no shame. This is a place for sharing...and to agree with Samara, the most important thing is just to talk and let out whatever's killing you. Things CAN definitely get better. Depression causes a lot of wild, looping thoughts, but those are truly illusions. You and your life CAN CHANGE up until the moment that you die. Only death is final. Everything else can change.

 

[total eclipse]

Hi hun glad to see you reaching out for support here. The mind can heal over time hun and i do hope when you feel so low next time you call and get help ok hugs

 

[Bleepo]

Thank you for the support. And to the mods, sorry about posting the method so bluntly. I clearly didn't read the tos.
As for the services, no. Where I live they are limited at best. I receive unemployment ... its about exactly enough to pay my car payment (where i sleep) insurance and some food. I've told my case worker about my situation. No action. We don't have soup kitchens or anything of the sort either.

I bet I'd feel better overall if I didn't have so much time to dwell.

 

[Samara]

This may not be what you want, but is there any sort of religious group you can get involved with? I have found that churches often will be willing to take people in, feed them, help them, encourage them etc...

My own brother lived, literally, in a church basement for at least two years. I also, as a kid, used to attend a church, there were potluck dinners, and other things. It sounds like you might live in a small town or something, which is exactly the kind of place I am referring to, where the church people may be just in that mindset to be helpful to you.

Even if you are not religious, or don't believe in that; it might just be an avenue that you otherwise wouldn't have available to you.

I personally had a Muslim community financially help me out once upon a time, when I was trying to get out of an abusive situation, and wasn't with family etc... so I had nobody.

So, might just be useful to you, if the government is failing you, and if there's really nothing else for you...

 

[Bleepo]

I've been thinking about that. I know the local salvation army requires proof of address but there may be others. As it is in these trying times I've thought about trying church. If for no other reason than to find hope. On top of that its 39°c/103°F. I'm sure they're airconditioned.

 

[Samara]

I've been thinking about that. I know the local salvation army requires proof of address but there may be others. As it is in these trying times I've thought about trying church. If for no other reason than to find hope. On top of that its 39°c/103°F. I'm sure they're airconditioned.

Glad to see that you responded. With your current situation going on right now, it almost seems like you may just need the help of others... and there has got to be someone somewhere near you, who maybe is willing to be that person for you. As I said, I suspect the closest thing to getting that quickly is seeking it through a church.

It's nice too, if you don't mind finding hope therein too.. When I suggested it, I just wasn't sure if you were even religious, or if you were maybe another religion etc... so.

 

[Bleepo]

No religion here.

I'll be active on the forum until my phone is disconnected