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Very strange thoughts

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by alex_martinez, Mar 5, 2016.

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  1. alex_martinez

    alex_martinez New Member

    Hi guys! First I want to introduce myself, my name is Alex. I am 26 years old male from Russia, I work as an English teacher. And here to share my feelings and hope to find any advices.

    So I have very strange thoughts for a couple of years. I absolutely don’t have desire to live life. I don’t have depression or any mind disease, and also don’t have suicidal thoughts. But when I imaging that my life will be over tomorrow I feel happiness. When I see myself dying and imagine that my heart stop pumping during the night while I sleep I may even cry of happiness. My emotion is so strange even for me. I am not afraid to die if I die <mod edit - methods>. I tried to understand why it happened but I don’t have any idea. So I red few articles what people should do if they have depression or suicidal thoughts and found good idea to start workout. I decided to go to swimming pool 3 times a week and jogging every day. And I do my workout very hard and feel so many good emotions from exercise but it does not work as a treatment. So I feel much better physically but nothing changed in my mind. I even tried to analyzed my childhood and I could not find anything extremely bad, there was not any abuse or bulling. I had so much good memories from my childhood and teen years. I have spent time on seaside with my family and almost all summers in country side. Sure life was not super happy and some disappointment I had but I think almost all people had it, such as a broken leg, and genyantritis, bad marks and examination failure but it couldn’t hurt my mind so deeply to start thinking about death. In my twenties I was abroad for a few months. I visited Thailand and India. It was amazing trip and a lot of good impressions; I met interesting people and discovered new culture. And after my trip I realized that everywhere life is very similar. It’s like a movie and we are actors. We do something every day and one day it will be the end of movie. There won't be a sequel; everything we have done throughout life ultimately means nothing. I'm becoming more and more emotionless and heartless every single day.

    Is there anyone who has ideas why I have such a strange thoughts? And what I can do to change it?
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 5, 2016
  2. AdamTide

    AdamTide Well-Known Member

    Maybe you are kinda disappointed with your life. But you can always make things better. Realize that your life is important and you MATTER. One thing that may help is helping others. It would benefit them AND you. And you mentioned you like exercising. You could try to help people who want to lose weight. Helping others feel better about themselves can help you feel better about YOURSELF. Can always PM me if you need to talk.
  3. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    Have you considered if you're stressed? Stress can also cause such feelings and even depression... from what I know about teaching it can be a stressful job.
    If that's the case I suggest you see your doctor about the best treatment for you.

    Exercise can help, in theory. It releases endorphin and adrenaline which is good chemicals for the brain, but it's not a cure all if you're still in the position that is making you feel bad.

    I hope you find what it is and that you can find some help to deal with it, it's awful to have such thoughts!
    AdamTide likes this.
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