Hi guys! First I want to introduce myself, my name is Alex. I am 26 years old male from Russia, I work as an English teacher. And here to share my feelings and hope to find any advices. So I have very strange thoughts for a couple of years. I absolutely don’t have desire to live life. I don’t have depression or any mind disease, and also don’t have suicidal thoughts. But when I imaging that my life will be over tomorrow I feel happiness. When I see myself dying and imagine that my heart stop pumping during the night while I sleep I may even cry of happiness. My emotion is so strange even for me. I am not afraid to die if I die <mod edit - methods>. I tried to understand why it happened but I don’t have any idea. So I red few articles what people should do if they have depression or suicidal thoughts and found good idea to start workout. I decided to go to swimming pool 3 times a week and jogging every day. And I do my workout very hard and feel so many good emotions from exercise but it does not work as a treatment. So I feel much better physically but nothing changed in my mind. I even tried to analyzed my childhood and I could not find anything extremely bad, there was not any abuse or bulling. I had so much good memories from my childhood and teen years. I have spent time on seaside with my family and almost all summers in country side. Sure life was not super happy and some disappointment I had but I think almost all people had it, such as a broken leg, and genyantritis, bad marks and examination failure but it couldn’t hurt my mind so deeply to start thinking about death. In my twenties I was abroad for a few months. I visited Thailand and India. It was amazing trip and a lot of good impressions; I met interesting people and discovered new culture. And after my trip I realized that everywhere life is very similar. It’s like a movie and we are actors. We do something every day and one day it will be the end of movie. There won't be a sequel; everything we have done throughout life ultimately means nothing. I'm becoming more and more emotionless and heartless every single day. Is there anyone who has ideas why I have such a strange thoughts? And what I can do to change it?