I am on the verge of blowing my head off. I live in the U.S., while the rest of my family is in Russia. I'm in my Senior year, 19, 5"6 (short) no car, no friends, poor grades and no chance of going to a decent college. I can't go back to Russia, since my mother is at a monastery (she divorced and left last year) and my other relatives can't afford me squatting with them, since I am useless and probably won't find work since I can't communicate with people. I can't imagine surviving on my own in the U.S., I seem to have developed severe Social Anxiety Disorder. Right now I can barely communicate with people. I'm currently living with my mother's ex-husband, who's not my step-father, he never adopted me. I've lost the few friends that I had left and there are maybe 2-3 people who care about me in the country. I can't go back to Russia and face my relatives, even if they offer me a place to stay (I know they love me). I feel very trapped and suicide seems like the only way out. I have a ready supply of guns and ammunition, since the man I live with is into semi-professional league shooting. At 19, I am dysfunctional and inept, still in high-school and I can't see myself going into a regular job, I barely manage to get by being a dish-washer, due to nervousness. I'll be surprised if I even graduate this year, I'm very depressed and the only thing I think about is how I should end myself. I don't see how anti-depressants can possibly help me and a voluntary visit to a hospital for a few days (weeks) would alienate the man I live with. He still thinks everything is fine. I am a wreck. Help. Help. Help.