Very suicidal, please help.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Kettle Tap, Jan 21, 2012.

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  1. Kettle Tap

    Kettle Tap New Member

    I am on the verge of blowing my head off. I live in the U.S., while the rest of my family is in Russia. I'm in my Senior year, 19, 5"6 (short) no car, no friends, poor grades and no chance of going to a decent college. I can't go back to Russia, since my mother is at a monastery (she divorced and left last year) and my other relatives can't afford me squatting with them, since I am useless and probably won't find work since I can't communicate with people. I can't imagine surviving on my own in the U.S., I seem to have developed severe Social Anxiety Disorder. Right now I can barely communicate with people. I'm currently living with my mother's ex-husband, who's not my step-father, he never adopted me. I've lost the few friends that I had left and there are maybe 2-3 people who care about me in the country. I can't go back to Russia and face my relatives, even if they offer me a place to stay (I know they love me). I feel very trapped and suicide seems like the only way out. I have a ready supply of guns and ammunition, since the man I live with is into semi-professional league shooting. At 19, I am dysfunctional and inept, still in high-school and I can't see myself going into a regular job, I barely manage to get by being a dish-washer, due to nervousness. I'll be surprised if I even graduate this year, I'm very depressed and the only thing I think about is how I should end myself. I don't see how anti-depressants can possibly help me and a voluntary visit to a hospital for a few days (weeks) would alienate the man I live with. He still thinks everything is fine. I am a wreck. Help. Help. Help.
  2. 1Lefty

    1Lefty Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry you're in such pain, and that your circumstances are not better.

    Your written English is very good.

    I'm glad you're here, this is a safe place.

    Many others here have been in your shoes, hopefully one will be around shortly.

    We are a caring community, and support and encourage each other.

    Please keep posting, or if you prefer a private conversation, you can PM (private message) one of us.
  3. Speedy

    Speedy Staff Alumni

    Hi and welcome,

    I am so sorry you are suffering to this these circumstances, I think seeking outside 3D support and treatment could be the most efficient approach. I hope you find this site to be an effective outlet for expressing these difficult emotions....please stay safe. :hug:


    P.S. I agree with 1lefty; you write quite well!
  4. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    I'm sorry to hear that you are going through tough times. I also have problems with anxiety and connecting to people, but there is always help readily available. If you are feeling suicidal, it would be a good idea to distance yourself from the guns so it's less tempting. Please keep us updated on how you are doing and I hope things improve for you soon.
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