I have struggled with several different vices in my life. I have been a recovering addict from cigarettes, pills, and hallucinogens. I was hooked on chewing tobacco in high school and started smoking cigarettes then as well. I think it was due to my friends who smoked and I just kind of got peer pressured into it but the addiction was a lot more difficult to kick then I would ever have imagined. A year out of high school and I started abusing prescription medications. I would pop any pill I could find just to feel numb. With the hallucinogens I was using every so often, the time I was arrested, I went down to these concerts in Denver (Warped Tour) and on the way back I was pulled over arrested and eventually charged with possession. I am telling anyone using it is not at all worth all the trouble that ensues. It's been 2 months without drinking, cigarettes, or hallucinogens and I am proud of that however I still abuse medications, I am currently off oxycodone and percocet but I'm abusing my sleeping medication to get a sort of hallucinogenic high and I hate it but I feel I need some sort of escape. I rationalize it as not being a problem because every month I will run out and have to wait until my next prescription is filled so if I run out early I won't have access to them until the next month. I don't really know how to make sense of that last sentence but it makes sense to me for whatever reason. Everyone thinks I'm sober and I feel I need to keep the illusion that I am going as an inspiration to my little brother who has his own troubles. I feel like such a hypocrite. I don't feel shame in my own addictions but I would never want that for my younger brother who looks up to me. I don't view drugs as bad when I do them but when others do I do view them as bad. It's not that I'm judgmental it's that I think I subconsciously know the negatives to using and wouldn't want that for anyone else but at the same time I love the feeling it gives me personally. I feel like I'm rambling so I'll end it here. Thanks for reading and any possible input you can give.