I have been thinking about suicide for many years now. It all started when I was in second grade. I was being bullied and I could see no way out of the situation that I was in. One day, I decided, "Why live through pain when I can be free of it?" I grabbed a knife and I was about to <Mod Edit, WildCherry: Methods>. My hand was shaking the whole time. At that moment, I knew that I couldn't do it. A few years later in 6th grade, suicidal thoughts slipped into my mind again. I threatened to stab myself with a stick and I tried <Mod Edit, WildCherry: Methods>. In 8th grade, I tried to kill myself by holding my breath multiple times. Each time that I have tried to commit suicide, I have always failed. For a while, I tried taking out my anger in other ways like punching pillows, hitting myself, and even cutting my arms with a razor blade. However, those things did not help the feeling of hate and pain I was feeling. I am not cutting myself anymore, but images often flash through my head of me grabbing my heart and stopping it. I have also pictured myself jumping off a building and dying. I know that this is not normal and I know that there has to be a better way to live life then to figure out ways to die. I also realize that there are people out there who care about me and that I should not try to kill myself. However, each time I try not to think suicidal thoughts, they keep returning. I am fed up with thinking this way and with hurting myself in this way! I just want the thoughts and the images to go away! Is there any way that these thoughts can vanish from my life for good? I have tried emailing a suicidal e-help, but all they do is ask me questions. I have tried answering their questions, but they never give me any advice. I am too scared to talk to any of my family members and/or friends about this. I am afraid that they will think that I am crazy. I am also worried that they will be scared of loosing me and upset that I would think, much less attempt, these things! How can I break this cycle of thinking before the visions in my head come true? Please help me!