victim blaming

Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by plates, Sep 22, 2010.

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  1. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    anyone had this,
    any experiences?

    mine are: i gave myself away intentionally when i was out of it with my ex and collapsing from anorexia and self harming. i was then molested/raped by her but then again- i did it myself because i just hated myself so much. i did actually write something similar when i was at that age before other stuff happened, but i was dissociating- and looking at myself from others perspectives, that was not me talking- the other being the clueless who were people all around me going on about "you do it to yourself" and self destruction and it's all up to you why you do this! i wasn't there, so absorbed everything they said and believed it.

    i've had that from a therapist who also took advantage of me (signed consent form for a study when manic and about to collapse and this was the deciding factor for me leaving her sessions it was PRECISELY to do with my ex and what happened in those first two years) and 3 other people who liked to damage me because i yell at others and THEIR responsibilities, who have no clear values and like to think i did it myself. all i can say was that i was used to being treated like shit didn't know anything else, thought what i was in was love for so long, so stuck with it because i needed safety/contact and had no where to stay.

    i asked for it. okay?

    my mother actually once said that my sister "provoked" my father.
    i went mental.

    and when i think of the above i feel so disgusted- there are no words. so maybe i should just stick with that feeling of complete disgust at those few people who reacted to me in that way, rather than listening to their rot.

    i think what disgusts me more is that those few people claim moral high ground and defend their 'morality' to the point where they come out with such bullshit reflecting who they really are.
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 22, 2010
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You were never at fault you were the victim and all whose says different should be put away You had no control over anything and i hope you know i stand with you Your mother your father therapist all are the sick ones. Don't listen to any of them okay don't let them victimise you again You are not at fault for anything.
  3. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    thank you,

    what's alarming me most are these memories from my second therapist. she isolated me loads. and the things she was saying- to do with me and my ex, me and "my difficulties" with MH service providers. yeah. it was bad. because, and i have a fair feeling, she knew how much she was taking advantage of me herself.

    and when i got stronger and better and started confronting people- i found people like this fled and jumped into their holes, hid, cowered, and couldn't say a thing back to me once i started dissecting and challenging everything they said. and the conclusions i got from my second therapist was guilt, pure guilt- and a class issue that again has been a deciding factor when breaking with therapists...
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You should break connection to a therapist who was only instilling guilt on you.
    you should walk away from that bs You know what happened they were not there
    Walk away from everyone if youhave to but know you were never never at fault NEVER
  5. Viro

    Viro Well-Known Member

    Almost all abusers and rapists attempt to blame the ones they hurt for the crimes that they, the abusers, have committed. Overcoming this can be tough, but you have come to know that it was not your fault!
  6. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    thank you so much violet and adam, your words mean more than you know

    walking away is definitely the answer,
    i've started talking to my mother again and i'm not entirely happy where it's going at the moment.
  7. Montage

    Montage Well-Known Member

    I've been in similar situations... when I found the right therapist everything changed. He truly cared about my well being and wanted me to get healthy. And of course it took alot of hard work on my part. Things can and will get better hun!! I know at times it may seem so hopeless and you get SO angry.. I still get angry sometimes. But life can be good despite what has happened in your past! Praying for you dear!
  8. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    thanks :hug:
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