Victim Complex

[Kaos General]

People dominated by The Victim Complex seem to be multiplying on here. If you dont know what it means, heres what it is:

A persecution complex is a term within psychological discourse afforded to an array of complex behaviours that specifically deal with the perception of being persecuted for various possible reasons, imagined or real.

Heres my take on it.

They are easily outraged when their victim status is challenged. Im forever listening to people who feel they are the victim of this, that, and everything else.

When you talk to a victim, they find someway to get into the conversation they have been victimized. Sometimes these are the same people who believe life is what you make of it and they can create their own destiny. In contrast, they are the first to run to a lawyer for a lawsuit, or be influenced by slights from others.

People with Victim Complex have a hard time moving on. To heal, they have to accept harsh truths:

• They cant undo the damage.
• There will be no apology or real justice for the hurts
• They have to admit 'defeat'
• They really are in control of their destinies, not just a passive recipient to outside forces

I've known people who let a few minutes of hurt dominate their lives for evermore. Things are worse when someone makes a career out of the victim role. Until life is corrected to the way they want to it to be, they – and no one else – may be happy.

So, if this describes you, please spare a thought for the people your affecting with your subservient attitude

 

[black orchid]

sorry, that is all i have to say

 

[Kaos General]

sorry, that is all i have to say

Really, you think this is aimed at you?

 

[black orchid]

Re-read what you wrote, i do pretty much all those things...so yeah, i am one of those people you are complaining about.

 

[Kaos General]

Re-read what you wrote, i do pretty much all those things...so yeah, i am one of those people you are complaining about.

Oh do turn it in, ya know i love ya anyway so no need to apologise

 

[Axiom]

fuck man nice thread eh
I guess Ive not talked to anyone here yet that has a "victim complex". You're kinda tripping me up cause i dont know what youre classifying specially as a victim complex, aka, circular complainers aka, moaners, aka attention seekers, aka... fucking terms. Help me out here because for someone like me, i feel a slight tense up that you may be refering to me as "one of these people", which by definition could be excessive paranoia or an aspect of the victim complex in your eyes. ... i hate blankets :S People are people with individual issues, even if they're stuck in a loop, that is an issue. Calling that loop or comfort zone a victim complex, is.. tbh kinda .very hurtful. It's like youre saying someones a text book case, like all those before you. ... I don't know what you mean, give an example, if you don't mind.


•They cant undo the damage. <--- insanely difficult to accept
•There will be no apology or real justice for the hurts <--- again, insanly difficult to accept especially if who you are is holding onto this aspect of hope
•They have to admit 'defeat' <--- say what, admit defeat to stand back up?
•They really are in control of their destinies, not just a passive recipient to outside forces <-- some people lose this connection, which is horrible.

I need an example, kinda taking your points in general becasue I dont know what you mean. Are you saying like someone who was raped needs to stop letting that event dictate their life? Or are talking about attention seekers?

 

[me myself and i]

fuck man nice thread eh
I guess Ive not talked to anyone here yet that has a "victim complex". You're kinda tripping me up cause i dont know what youre classifying specially as a victim complex, aka, circular complainers aka, moaners, aka attention seekers, aka... fucking terms. Help me out here because for someone like me, i feel a slight tense up that you may be refering to me as "one of these people", which by definition could be excessive paranoia or an aspect of the victim complex in your eyes. ... i hate blankets :S People are people with individual issues, even if they're stuck in a loop, that is an issue. Calling that loop or comfort zone a victim complex, is.. tbh kinda .very hurtful. It's like youre saying someones a text book case, like all those before you. ... I don't know what you mean, give an example, if you don't mind.


•They cant undo the damage. <--- insanely difficult to accept
•There will be no apology or real justice for the hurts <--- again, insanly difficult to accept especially if who you are is holding onto this aspect of hope
•They have to admit 'defeat' <--- say what, admit defeat to stand back up?
•They really are in control of their destinies, not just a passive recipient to outside forces <-- some people lose this connection, which is horrible.

I need an example, kinda taking your points in general becasue I dont know what you mean. Are you saying like someone who was raped needs to stop letting that event dictate their life? Or are talking about attention seekers?

I had to clarify it with him too Axiom, sat with me uncomfortably. :unsure:
Examples? I did not ask that.

 

[MLKane]

I've probably got what you call the victim complex. I mean, I don't like identifying myself as a victim, but if I do then I get really defensive when someone challenges me, as if I'd just make shit up. Outside of my problems, which are my fault, I take what life gives me, but I do sometimes feel the urge to complain to someone about how I get treated. So that's me, especially as I'm having a hard time moving on. As for these:

• They cant undo the damage. <= Duh.
• There will be no apology or real justice for the hurts <= again, duh.
• They have to admit 'defeat' <= I admitted defeat when I attempted, that is what being defeated by your problems is for me.
• They really are in control of their destinies, not just a passive recipient to outside forces <= so if someone is raped, they're in control of that? if someone is in an abusive relationship, they're in control of that? if someone has a terminal illness, or a severely life-limiting illness, physical or mental, they're in control of that? really?

And I'm not sure what you're talking about in the last part of your post, maybe people who go on to write self help books or some shit. Well I don't know of anyone on this site who does this, and yet it is us that you have addressed this to, by saying "People dominated by The Victim Complex seem to be multiplying on here.".

 

[Axiom]

I had to clarify it with him too Axiom, sat with me uncomfortably. :unsure:
Examples? I did not ask that.

By examples I mean in general, not specifically. Just clerifying.

 

[Kaos General]

fuck man nice thread eh
I guess Ive not talked to anyone here yet that has a "victim complex". You're kinda tripping me up cause i dont know what youre classifying specially as a victim complex, aka, circular complainers aka, moaners, aka attention seekers, aka... fucking terms. Help me out here because for someone like me, i feel a slight tense up that you may be refering to me as "one of these people", which by definition could be excessive paranoia or an aspect of the victim complex in your eyes. ... i hate blankets :S People are people with individual issues, even if they're stuck in a loop, that is an issue. Calling that loop or comfort zone a victim complex, is.. tbh kinda .very hurtful. It's like youre saying someones a text book case, like all those before you. ... I don't know what you mean, give an example, if you don't mind.

•They cant undo the damage. <--- insanely difficult to accept
•There will be no apology or real justice for the hurts <--- again, insanly difficult to accept especially if who you are is holding onto this aspect of hope
•They have to admit 'defeat' <--- say what, admit defeat to stand back up?
•They really are in control of their destinies, not just a passive recipient to outside forces <-- some people lose this connection, which is horrible.

I need an example, kinda taking your points in general becasue I dont know what you mean. Are you saying like someone who was raped needs to stop letting that event dictate their life? Or are talking about attention seekers?

I wasnt classifying anything, i was posting what i thought. Im talking about excessive manipulation by use of subservient behaviour. Im sorry i should have clarified exactly what i meant. I also wasnt referring to anyone specifically either. I only used the term victim complex because thats the easiest way of illustrating what i was trying to say.

I've probably got what you call the victim complex. I mean, I don't like identifying myself as a victim, but if I do then I get really defensive when someone challenges me, as if I'd just make shit up. Outside of my problems, which are my fault, I take what life gives me, but I do sometimes feel the urge to complain to someone about how I get treated. So that's me, especially as I'm having a hard time moving on. As for these:

• They cant undo the damage. <= Duh.
• There will be no apology or real justice for the hurts <= again, duh.
• They have to admit 'defeat' <= I admitted defeat when I attempted, that is what being defeated by your problems is for me.
• They really are in control of their destinies, not just a passive recipient to outside forces <= so if someone is raped, they're in control of that? if someone is in an abusive relationship, they're in control of that? if someone has a terminal illness, or a severely life-limiting illness, physical or mental, they're in control of that? really?

And I'm not sure what you're talking about in the last part of your post, maybe people who go on to write self help books or some shit. Well I don't know of anyone on this site who does this, and yet it is us that you have addressed this to, by saying "People dominated by The Victim Complex seem to be multiplying on here.".

So because you havent seen it, then that must mean nothing goes on? I have addressed it to people on here, and ive also said the same thing elsewhere so please, dont take what i said so personally. Im also not saying this is wrong, or right, i was just commenting on what i thought. Not really sure why people have taken it as a personal attack, it wasnt meant for that, it was meant to actually talk about it. I could regress back to my normal role and get all angry if thats what people really want, but that would defeat the object of this thread.

 

[Megz]

I have a slightly different take on this...... I think that maybe the people that are making/answering threads on here are feeling that way at the time and are venting their feelings which can only be a good thing?

That's what the forum is here for after all - to help people through bad times and feeling that you are being 'picked on' or bullied can be part of so many illnesses that are common on here.

My opinion (and it really is just that - nothing to anyone else unless they want it to be) is that those feelings need to be dealt with first, vented etc before the root cause can be dealt with.

I feel like the whole world is against me sometimes and yes I've posted that on here but it has helped me to get it off my chest and stop it going round and round in my head.

:hugtackles: good thread - I like sensible but maybe controversial discussions as long as everyone stays civil

 

[Raver]

I'm at a loss as to wither I've a "victim complex" or I'm an idiot with no self-esteem...

I know what ever damage I've caused is done and can't be fix. (If it could I'd somehow screw it up again as always)

I know there isn't any justice for anything on earth as there is always more than one side to a conflict.

I'll admit defeat right now; I am defeated, I've never won, always lost, and I refuse to stand back up as every time I get knocked down with greater force then the last time.

And lastly I've little if any control over my life as there always seems to be someone dictating anything I do or say. Everything I do and have ever done I've regretted.

I realize I did the victim thing and turned the post into an "all about me" QQ post.

So do I have a victim complex or am I just being an idiot?

 

[lightbeam]

You are talking about my exwife for sure.

Anytime there was an argument, anytime there was a disagreement; it was a reason to pull out the victim card.

Hell, she even put that she was a victim of abuse on her singles profile on a dating site.

She will always be a 'victim' in her own perception.

 

[Pickett]

I think I understand the point of your thread. Obviously it would be ideal if everyone moved on from their negative experiences. The world would be a better place.

Unfortunately some people cannot get over these experiences because they truly ARE victims, and not just a bunch of whiners.

People are mean and tough on victims because they themselves do not want to be a victim. The problem with this approach is that the victim then feels more alienated and guess what? ... VICTIMIZED...

Anyway, that is my perspective.

In case you haven't guessed, I'm one of those people who does feel cheated and the abuse I've suffered has really taken it's toll on me. I believe most people who do have a victim mentality wish they didn't, and I certainly get nothing good out of feeling this way.

To move on I need to be granted the ability to move on. I was abused and kicked because I am gay. I have had chronic pain for 2 years and most doctors think I should just "deal with it". They charge me debts I cannot repay because I am physically hurt and cannot hold down a job for long. They must have the power to help me and yet I am denied that and am expected to move on when I CAN'T. You can judge me all you want but the fact remains that you don't know how awful this has been.

I'm really trying to have hope because I should get an MRI done this month. It may provide a more definitive answer and course they can take. I hope they fix me but I feel so jerked around it's not even funny. :grr: I think I better stop there.

 

[Prinnctopher's Belt]

When life victimizes you, what else can you be. Shit, it ain't like we Charlie Sheen "winning" when we're really losing.

:twocents:

 

[wild rabbit]

i thought this post was actually quite unhelpful and potentially destructive, to those who feel you are having a go at them, and to those who feel they cant post in case people think this of them.

i hope to god i got this wrong, unfortunately, the post bordered on "shut up, pull yourself together and i dont give a shit how much you hurt by what i say, you do not have the right to complain about it because it proves me right and you weak".

Think what you like, your post was dismissive negative and destructive, even if you do have grandiose ideas through illness.

:troll:

 

[Kaos General]

i thought this post was actually quite unhelpful and potentially destructive, to those who feel you are having a go at them, and to those who feel they cant post in case people think this of them.

i hope to god i got this wrong, unfortunately, the post bordered on "shut up, pull yourself together and i dont give a shit how much you hurt by what i say, you do not have the right to complain about it because it proves me right and you weak".

Think what you like, your post was dismissive negative and destructive, even if you do have grandiose ideas through illness.

:troll:

It wasnt supposed to be helpful or unhelpful, it was intended to make people think. This forum here, the one you are posting in is intended for people to have a rant, vent or whatever. I dont really appreciate being called a troll especially as i havent offended anyone. To infer that im a troll means you must have gone through all my posts and come to that conclusion? Of course not, you have seen one single post and assumed that i must be one.

How big letters do i have to put, or how many times do i have to say in this thread, it wasnt about anyone? It seems people have read my first post and that one only. I was talking about people who use emotional blackmail and manipulation by use of making people feel sorry for them. I think lightbeam gets what im trying to say anyway. At least one person does.

 

[wild rabbit]

sorry, my mistake for simply readining the new posts today, i didnt see it was in the rant room, and i didnt know you can say what you like in the rant room and be offensive.

 

[Kaos General]

sorry, my mistake for simply readining the new posts today, i didnt see it was in the rant room, and i didnt know you can say what you like in the rant room and be offensive.

Offensive to who? Who specifically have i offended because im really confused

 

[wild rabbit]

me?! i felt the tone was quite judgemental, but if its a rant then its ok, so i apologise for not getting the board right.