Hi i am new here and need some help , I am a single mother of three children ,two daughters and one son who are all home educated ,my son has severe autism and severe learning difficulties. I do my best with them but feel that i cannot do it anymore. I love them dearly but my son keeps attacking me and beating me up, he can't help it as he cannot speak , i have to change him and feed him and bath him and he just never sleeps. I am so so tired and dont want to be used as punch bag anymore. My daughters are terrified. I have been to the doctors and he will not give my son anything long term as he is only eleven years old. I have asked for help everywhere but no one helps i have asked for family to take him off my hands for a while but they all say no as they admit that would not cope. I have no friends because i cannot get out much. I keep having visions that i kill my son and that i kill myself and we go to heaven and he is not disabled anymore and that we are happy and i am free. I have these visions all the time now and it makes me feel so happy. I know my son will never be able to get married or have kids or do much for himself when he is a man and i will be stuck like this for the rest of my life and i cannot cope with that. I cannot put my son into a home as i do not want any stranger looking after him he needs to be with me his mother. I love my kids so much it is tearing me apart but i see this as being the only way out of the suffering and i know my daughters will be well looked after and they have a good future ahead of them. Please dont think i am being evil or spiteful but i want to end this all and be at peace i am in tears writing this but nothing is going to get any better.