Visiting my cousins.

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by TheBLA, Aug 15, 2008.

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  1. TheBLA

    TheBLA The biggest loser alive.

    I am at the airport right now typing this.
    I'm to leave to Toronto, Canada really soon to visit my cousins whom I haven't seen in 9 years and am not looking forward too. Of course I am a total freak because of this.

    Its because when I last visited them, I was a happy child, relatively normal but in the nine years, I have stagnated, am immature for my age, and am of course depressed and think about suicide. I"m not too good at faking a smile, faking happiness so I hope it goes okay for the week I'm being with them.

    They are good people, I really enjoyed their company before but now I am a complete loser and freak. They will ask me what I've done, how I am doing, try to catch up with me and it probably won't go well. I have a lot of faking to do.

    Thats the problem, I am such a freak and inferior to everyone that I don't want to visit my cousins or anyone from old times. And yet, this will only make things worse for me, be being even more lonely and isolated.

    I still had a couple of antidepressant pills left in my drawer, wish I took one right now. :sad:
  2. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    I wish I could reassure you that everything would be as it was before, but I can't. Remember they too have changed. Maybe you will find you aren't at the level you feel you are. You have such a negative self image. Try telling yourself the good things about you instead of only seeing the bad. We all have our faults. But we also all have our strengths. This includes you. :hug:
  3. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Dont concentrate so much on you but rather enjoy the chance to experience a change of pace. Enjoy Toronto. Enjoy the change of scenery, the old faces but probably "new" people. I agree with gentlelady, they too will have changed. Instead of giving them the opportunity to badger you with questions about what you have done and who you have become, get yours in first. Just try to enjoy the break from your regular routine. When you are ready, show them the person that we have had the opportunity to meet here at SF, a kind caring soul that has the strength to keep battling his own personal demons. Have a nice visit hun. I'm from Canada and a word of advice... it's mosquito season up here. That alone should keep you busy lol!
  4. resistance

    resistance Staff Alumni

    I hope the trip is going better than you thought it would and you're enjoying the break. You say they are good people, maybe they'll be understanding and you're NOT a freak or anything of the sort. Depression doesn't make you a freak. Depression is an illness. A treatable one, at that. Let us know how it goes. :hug:
  5. TheBLA

    TheBLA The biggest loser alive.

    I am actually sad to now be back in Houston and also I have to go back to college on Monday. It was what started my depression and joining this forum three years ago when I entered as a freshman.

    I just came back today from my trip and thankfully, nothing at all bad happened. I was very afraid they'd ask about my personal life and find out how boring and inferior I am but none of that happened, we just had fun and that was really nice.

    Lets hope now college will be as good as my trip was. :smile:
  6. TheLonelyAloePlant

    TheLonelyAloePlant Well-Known Member

    I'm glad you had a good time. :)
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