I know these are my final days here and that nothing I say or do matters anymore. I am impervious to pain because I have no feelings. I have become completely anhedonic -- the emptiness and feeling of disconnectedness from everything around me is even worse than the most intense suffering I experienced in the past month or so. Soon I will have everything I need to put my plan into action -- everything has been premeditated right down to the last detail so that nothing is left to chance. I don't want to be here anymore, I just want to cease to exist. I actually wish I could erase every last vestige of my life from the memories of all who knew me. I don't want to just die, I want to be obliterated.