From the very first day my depression began, I never hid it from anyone, so why haven't I been cured? I just want to be "normal" and happy. Instead, I'm constantly sad, angry and suicidal. Worst of all, I no longer have faith that I'll become better than this. Nobody seems to understand me. It's not like they make much effort either. My parents think I've gone mad and turn a blind eye to the situation. Actually, they've never been able to grasp the situation at all. Professionals (councellors, psychologists, etc.) never seem to take me seriously. Speaking to them has become nothing but a dull routine, like a chore. I've heard everything from "Ignore it, it'll go away." to "Get over it.". Others have even lectured me, saying that I have no right to feel the way I do. I hate that the most. Just because there are people in the world who are worse off than you, doesn't mean your problems hurt any less. It feels like I've been crying non-stop for the past 8 years (I'm 20 now.). Crying has become part of my everyday living. I also suffer from insomnia because of my disturbing thoughts. My depression has manifested into anxiety, which makes it impossible to be normal. My body reacts in odd ways; I can't sleep at night without the TV on, I can't go to appointments without my boyfriend, I don't answer the phone or the front door. If I attempt anything that my anxiety-riddled body doesn't like, I get a severe panic attack. I guess I should explain how I ended up at this point. Well, I've always been shy and well-behaved. I was never able to make friends easily, but my grades were above average. In other words, I wasn't much of a "social butterfly". When I was a child, my father molested me on several occassions. Of course, I never told anyone. However, I was too young to understand at the time, so it didn't damage me too badly. My real problems started at the beginning of high school (Surprised?). A certain girl taunted me for a while because I am half Asian. I had been familiar with racism since Grade 6. I heard the usual phrases; "Gook", "slanty-eyed", "Ching Chong", "Chink", and so on. It was a lot worse in Year 7 though. This particular girl would make comments such as "I hope your Asian mother gets hit by a bus.", stuff like that. Her hate was fuelled by yet another girl, who thought it was funny making a website dedicated to my pathetic existence. The website contained photos of me, my address, my home phone number, my mobile number, and yet more harsh comments; "The next time you shave yourself, cut your wrists and bleed to death.". I'm not even going to mention the random comments left in the site's guestbook. When people say horrible things to you day after day, you tend to believe them after a while. I've been told (straight to my face) that I don't fit in, and that I never will. I've been told that I am "different". What saddens me is that I never did anything to provoke such comments. As I mentioned earlier, I have always been shy and quiet, but maybe that's what made me an easier target than others. I've written so much, yet I have barely scratched the surface of my story. I'm too depressed to continue for now.