Waiting for a Redemption

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by kopterline, Oct 27, 2014.

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  1. kopterline

    kopterline Member


    I'm Laura! I'm new here.. I've been to a therapist for a year now. We were working with my social phobia. Which I had/have. But.. It wasn't the real reason why I went there at the first place. I had this.. episode.. I think I told her.. don't know if I really did.. But I Had this.. episode.. again. And am struggling with it. She says it was psychosis but I don't believe her, depression can cause some hallucinating thought also, since I do have depression for almost 10 years now. So.. we are working Now with my depression. And she was a bit mad because I didn't told her I was feeling so down. So she said that I should call when I'm down, but I can't do it. So I'm writing to you. Death.. or HE as I call Him has been my friend for a long time. He gives me comfort. I know that He will help when I need Him the most. He watches over me. He will be there, when no one can help me. But I'm scared now. Something took me over. And I can't tell who I am anymore. It's hard to live when two sides of you are fighting and the third one is watching helplessly. What can I do? So for now, I'm waiting.

    Thank you for reading this :)
  2. Freya

    Freya Loves SF Staff Member ADMIN

    Hi Laura, welcome to SF :hug:

    I do not know anything about psychosis, but I do know about feeling comfortend by the idea of death. I think that until you start thinking about life instead - the future and hope - it is hard to get better. Like learning to ride a bike I guess - until you leave the training wheels behind you cannot really ride - until you drop the comfort blanket of death as a fall-back, you cannot really live.

    I would recommend being as honest as you possibly can with your therapist - otherwise it is a waste of both your time.

    Take care and keep talking to us - :hug:
  3. kopterline

    kopterline Member

    Thank you for Your answer!

    I do take comfort from death, as I have tried living also. I've lived, or so I thought. It's just that living is.. I've never really been taught to live.. I've been taught to survive, to hide my feelings and thoughts, to suck it all up, get on with your life etc. But no, never the living part.
    I don't know how to live but I do know how to die, or as I preffer - slowly fade away.

    Take care and thank You :)
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 27, 2014
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