waiting

[LILICHIPIE]

hello there

Well havent posted for a little while as even posting buggs me and im even tired about it
The forum has helped me a lot lately but again; im slipping on the other side
When I found out about some logical facts with legal issues over my death; i was crushed
I went through a very bad manic phase for then; I would call it a weird manic phase as usually I felt high and my mind would race with incoherent and exhausting thoughts; however; for the first time its not the case
I call it manic as i think about nothing but rally nothing; im point blank and it s been again and again like that for 2; 3 days now
I dont see it as another mind trick to help me not committing my own death however
Then again; i feel more and more falling into the darkness and I will go to my plans this week
The even thought that my parents just recently had the feeling that i was "confused"; thats their words; hit me for a while, a hour or so; but then nothing
and now ive been feeling lower than ever; im basically just sleeping and sleeping; the complete biological clock has turned upside down as i would only get few hours of sleep just days ago; I just feel NOTHING for anything; it has worsened
Not even thinking how Ill do it in a few days, just knowing that I will
I feel a bit sorry though to ramble because im always moaning and some beautiful ple here have been trying harsh to help me out; sorry for that again

Tonight probably last night out; im forced to go; I really am as I dont even give a shit about it and am already tired to even prepare myself and pretend once more it will a nice night out; so yeah I was saying im forcing myself to go because thats my friend pre engagement party and when saying this morning that i was tired and would probably not attend; she was so mad and started playing guilt with me saying that it would mean the world to her if i came; so i ended up saying yes

so basically yes, i feel really out of the pictures, no shower; no eating; no reading, no talking ever, no responding to friends and parents calls ever; im just numb; in the clouds, doing VERY NOTHING; just waiting; basically very waiting


thanks for having read

 

[D3ath]

I really hope you actually have a good time tonight so atleast it may change your mind.

I hope you can check the forumns before you do anything, because you'd be really missed and maybe some post will stop you from doing it.

I cant raelly change your mind i know that, no matter how much i wish your pain end i dont wish it to end by suacide.

 

[winged sandals]

Please hang in there. It's not your fault that you feel this way, and we're all here to try and help. I'm sure there are other people in your life who'd want to help too, including that friend who you're visiting tonight. Hang in there for us and for them.

Are you on any medications? This emptiness of yours is the type that words alone often can't fix. But that doesn't mean that there's no way out. There are so many people just like you who have gotten through this; I actually even know a few. You can do this if you accept help from people who love you. Just don't give up. Even though it seems like you don't have the passion or the energy to fight this, you can do it. You can get through this; you can find feeling again. Your life doesn't have to be just a long wait until death; there's so much more out there for you. Please don't give up yet.

 

[An Angel in Black]

hello agnes, im so sorry you feel this way. my condition has worsened i feel too. i was wondering why you didnt respond to the chat room last night. i didnt know if it was something i maybe said or what. but ive had days like that, i feel nothing, except the pain from being alone like i am. could you please talk to me? i feel so much better when i talk to you. i all of a sudden dont feel so bad. as a matter of fact, i kind of like the way i feel when im with you. would you please talk with me? please?

 

[An Angel in Black]

hows it going sweety? its been a while since we talked. im sorry if i said something wrong i really am.. But im worried about you. please talk to me as soon as possible. i need to know youre still here with me. i want you to know whatever happens, i love you sweetheart. ^_^
your friend forever,
mike

 

[gentlelady]

Aww hun, I hope you start feeling better. You do not have to go through with anything in the next couple days. You have many people here that care about you and would like to continue supporting you throughout this struggle. Keep trying. You can make it through this. :hug:

 

[Dave_N]

Hi Agnes. How is everything going hun? Is tuesday still your last day or have you decided to postpone it for now? We all care about you and hope that you're safe.

 

[forlorn]

Keep waiting Agnes and Im sure time will heal, your only 23. Thats so young to be thinking these things your possibilitys are endless. The people who love will have there lives ruined, I know you dont care about them because your thoughts are selfish. Listen it might seem bad going back to france and your parents knowing your failing in your classes but they love you and they want to keep their precious daughter.These thoughts are ridiculous, you want to survive beacause you keep coming to sf. I hope you dont leave us in pain tomorrow Agnes because we have enough to bare ourselves. We all care about you and I'm not a religous man but Im praying god will look after you with all my heart.

All life is precious, everybody counts

 

[Dave_N]

Let us know how you're doing Agnes. We're here to help anytime you need it.

 

[LILICHIPIE]

thanks dave and yall

been feeling very depressed lower than ever
awful emptiness

 

[LILICHIPIE]

Folorn I hope you hang on tonight