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Wake up wanting to cry

#1
Every day for at least the past month I wake up feeling like my body wants to cry. It feels like it's coming from a place of grief rather than depression. I've lost so much in my life, and at the 20 year trauma mark coupled with 7 months of isolation, maybe it is. I try lying quietly in bed, waiting for it to subside only it doesn't.

I don't want to have to keep waking up like this anymore. It's beyond awful to wake up like this every single day.
 
#2
Every day for at least the past month I wake up feeling like my body wants to cry. It feels like it's coming from a place of grief rather than depression. I've lost so much in my life, and at the 20 year trauma mark coupled with 7 months of isolation, maybe it is. I try lying quietly in bed, waiting for it to subside only it doesn't.

I don't want to have to keep waking up like this anymore. It's beyond awful to wake up like this every single day.
I know exactly how thi feels, this happens when im driving aswell, constantly bawling
 

1964dodge

Has a frog in the family
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#3
i haven't heard from you in a while @VioletDawn . 'm sorry that you are doing so poorly right now. all this isolation is starting to get to a lot of people. we need human contact. try to hold on this won't last forever....mike....*console*sadhug*shake
 

Marga

Well-Known Member
#4
Hi VioletDawn (what a beautiful name and profile picture!🙂). I am sorry you feel like this. ☹ When you feel like crying, do you actually cry? And does that provide any relief at all? Or is it just a feeling...?
 
#5
Hi @1964dodge, yeah I'm kind of transient now. I guess I find it hard to feel connected anywhere now. The isolating only amplified that. Everywhere I see signs of people restarting their lives as I remain trapped. I curse the fact I never learned to drive or had the means to own a car as it would give me a bit more options. I really don't want to go on public transport so I remain trapped in my house with no places to go. *brohug

@Marga, sometimes I cry but it's usually not till later in the day or night. It always leaves me feeling even worse when I do, like I've opened a flood gate for all the most painful emotions to come rushing out.

I know exactly how thi feels, this happens when im driving aswell, constantly bawling
I'm really sorry you're hurting like this too. I wish after so many years my brain would finally be all cried out and I could feel ok. I'm not even sure I remember what that feels likes anymore though. It's been such a long time 🙁
 

Marga

Well-Known Member
#7
I am sorry that crying doesn't provide you any relief, that sounds awful. *brohugSince when have you been feeling like this? Has there been any event that caused this? If you want to share,of course...
 

1964dodge

Has a frog in the family
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#8
Hi @1964dodge, yeah I'm kind of transient now. I guess I find it hard to feel connected anywhere now. The isolating only amplified that. Everywhere I see signs of people restarting their lives as I remain trapped. I curse the fact I never learned to drive or had the means to own a car as it would give me a bit more options. I really don't want to go on public transport so I remain trapped in my house with no places to go. *brohug

@Marga, sometimes I cry but it's usually not till later in the day or night. It always leaves me feeling even worse when I do, like I've opened a flood gate for all the most painful emotions to come rushing out.



I'm really sorry you're hurting like this too. I wish after so many years my brain would finally be all cried out and I could feel ok. I'm not even sure I remember what that feels likes anymore though. It's been such a long time 🙁
*hug*shake
 

Lane

SF Supporter
#12
Every day for at least the past month I wake up feeling like my body wants to cry. It feels like it's coming from a place of grief rather than depression. I've lost so much in my life, and at the 20 year trauma mark coupled with 7 months of isolation, maybe it is. I try lying quietly in bed, waiting for it to subside only it doesn't.

I don't want to have to keep waking up like this anymore. It's beyond awful to wake up like this every single day.
Hi @VioletDawn. I remember your post from and your situation. Just checking in. 20 years is a long time. I still have dreams about my past but I hope things can turn around soon for you. What's going on now?
 
#13
I think I've burned enough bridges. I think it's ok to go now. I think my time left is over. I guess that's where I am now. Everybody is doing just fine without me. I'll be missed but not by that much. I wish people needed me, but they don't.
 

1964dodge

Has a frog in the family
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#14
it's not your time yet. keep fighting to get better, it is possible. if you are unsafe please call a crisis line or your emergency # to keep you safe. you have a lot of people here that care about you. and there will be a lot of people irl that would suffer. please talk to your doctor or therapist about how you feel...mike...*console*sadhug*shake
 
#15
Thanks Mike. I'm trying.. but it's very hard. I don't have a doctor or a therapist anymore. Nothing at all. I haven't skated in 8 months now. It feels like a distant dream. I'm a total recluse again. 8 months, and the long covid I've been left with drags on. It's much better than it was in the early days but the fatigue is beyond terrible. Today I lay in bed until mid afternoon, unable to sleep yet barely able to keep my eyes open.

I'm scared to go out, knowing how trashed my immune system still is. Although long covid is now recognised as a thing, there's no help here. My last GP surgery took me off their books when they realised I'd moved house, even though I had hit at rock bottom emotionally. I've registered with a new gp but I can't bear to make an appointment just to not get helped some more. I've lost faith in just about everything now.

Most of all I'm angry. Angry at the people who purposely flout the rules and make this whole crappy situation worse. Angry at having idiotic neighbours. Angry at my ill health. Angry at people for making outside dangerous. Yeah I know the last one is stupid, but my emotions are shredded.
What's the point of life when there is no point? When all the goals I had are gone with no guarantee that I'll ever get them back. Life is literally passing me by. I've been trying start off ice training gradually over the past few months but even 5 minutes leaves me absolutely floored. I used graded exercise in the past for the chronic fatigue I already had before I got sick, but this is a whole different beast. I very much feel like I'm not going to recover.
 

1964dodge

Has a frog in the family
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#16
Thanks Mike. I'm trying.. but it's very hard. I don't have a doctor or a therapist anymore. Nothing at all. I haven't skated in 8 months now. It feels like a distant dream. I'm a total recluse again. 8 months, and the long covid I've been left with drags on. It's much better than it was in the early days but the fatigue is beyond terrible. Today I lay in bed until mid afternoon, unable to sleep yet barely able to keep my eyes open.

I'm scared to go out, knowing how trashed my immune system still is. Although long covid is now recognised as a thing, there's no help here. My last GP surgery took me off their books when they realised I'd moved house, even though I had hit at rock bottom emotionally. I've registered with a new gp but I can't bear to make an appointment just to not get helped some more. I've lost faith in just about everything now.

Most of all I'm angry. Angry at the people who purposely flout the rules and make this whole crappy situation worse. Angry at having idiotic neighbours. Angry at my ill health. Angry at people for making outside dangerous. Yeah I know the last one is stupid, but my emotions are shredded.
What's the point of life when there is no point? When all the goals I had are gone with no guarantee that I'll ever get them back. Life is literally passing me by. I've been trying start off ice training gradually over the past few months but even 5 minutes leaves me absolutely floored. I used graded exercise in the past for the chronic fatigue I already had before I got sick, but this is a whole different beast. I very much feel like I'm not going to recover.
*hug*console*sadhug*shake
 

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