I've Been like this for four years. Because when I was younger I was blind to the truth. The truth that nothing really matters. That everyone's and my life are just a lie. What can anyone possible expect to find in their life? I've seen it all... Girlfriend, travel, sports, movies, games. Everything that is 'supposed' to entertain the human mind. But, still the thought of suicide always crosses my mind everyday no matter what. I just don't understand how people can take joy in life. I always act like it, to be socially acceptable but I never do feel anything. The only real things I do feel are drugs and alcohol, oh, and cigarettes. But, the only reason I started smoking is because the thought of getting ever so closer to death in a way, relieves me. I'm just so sick of everything, I'm not even having a hard life, just a very boring monotone one. I always get depressed when I think about how little life has to offer. I'd rather just off myself and rest forever. Ya sure, suicide is a selfish thing but still, it's my parents own fault for bringing me into this world where I had no choice whether I wanted to be born or not.