The one thing i really wana do thats remotely achievable for me, i cant even do because im a pussy. I dont see things getting any better ever so im seeing only one option but since ive been molded into such a wuss over these 21 years i cant even do it. Everyday gets worse and worse and i wonder when the end will be. I just feel empty. No happiness no love no nothin. The only time i feel a little bit of happiness is when i do drugs. Nothing hard mainly weed and alcohol and occasionally some pain killers ive been getting into em more recently. I hate my job. My love life is non existent. I struggle everyday with my huge addiction problem. Im pretty addicted to weed alcohol and gambling and i dont see those addictions getting any better. My friends are the best realonships i have but those are slowly drifting away, the more i notice the worse it gets. I have an okay realonship with my parents but not on a very deep level. I honestly dont think id be missed. My friends would be sad at first same with my parents but id give it a year or two before its no big deal and im practically erased from their memories. Im new to the forum so i dont know all the rules but it seems like methods of suicide are forbidden but i think id do it with a combination of things from my second paragraph. The only problem is im a huge pussy. I think if i wasnt such a pussy i would of done it by now, years ago maybe. Ive thought about just taking a grey hound bus to southern california and just living as a homeless person. Not my most ideal life but i think i may find some joy. Or maybe ill just wander around out there for a few months until the deed is finally done. Sorry for the long post, i didnt mean to waste so much of your time.