Do I know you? No. Do I care? Yes, I care very much. You don't deserve the pain you have felt.
I can closely relate to you. I have had similar feelings. I lost supposed "friends" who actually made my life more difficult. And it wasn't by coincidence. Subconsciously, I looked for people who took their problems out on others. It's a scary thought. i don't know if you're in the same boat, but maybe your negative view of yourself have to do with the friends you have chosen. You say it's your fault that things will never be the same between you and your friend. Is it really all your fault? Did your friend provoke you? Or, in the worst case scenario, if it is completely your fault, and nothing can be done about it, is it worth dwelling over, or can you focus your energy into making changes so that future relationships go more smoothly? Maybe what happened between the two of you was bound to happen in the first place? These are all things to think about.
When I was young, my parents fought over me relentlessly, and I thought it was my fault. Even though I have grown up a lot since then, it hasn't been easy :wink: . I got bullied repeatedly during high school, because I didn't realize my self worth. I didn't always stand up for myself. I'd hold in my frustration. I felt hopeless, and still do sometimes. But neither of us are hopeless. Life is such a wonderful gift. You mean more to people than you probably realize, even those who barely know you.
Please- don't be so hard on yourself.
