Wanna end it all

You hear about these people who kill themselves over other people, when the significant other leaves them or dies and so on. well i have a friend who just killed themselves over a boy and its because that boy gave my friend hope in life and when he left she felt there was no reason to live anymore. that all hope was gone in life and i honestly know how she feels cause im the same way about someone in my life... Okay so for the people who havent realized already i have severe depression, and im not scared to hold that back anymore as of today. I cant be left alone anymore because i think thoughts... and everyone should know what i mean by that. I know people must be thinking im crazy but some people just need to understand why i act the way i do sometimes... I may not show you who i really am deep down (ill only show you the surface of me), cause im afraid of getting attached to you and you then end up leaving. for the one person i did give my heart to is where my problems are getting worse, things may be good at times, but when it comes to watching that person leave kills me inside... the questions that go through my head are... Is this person lying to me? Are they going to meet another person? are they being careful? so when i sit alone for hours at a time with out this person i start to get anxious and cant breathe cause god forbid i lose one more person i love in this life. Cause i wouldnt be able to survive it... And most of this is because of my past, i had a fucked up life at times. Okay so for the people who im mainly talking to that are around alot in my life right now. I dont choose to act like this, when something happens i take it hard, i need you to stop judging me.(if you are) and telling me im not good enough (well not in those exact words) but telling me things you know upsets me... I DONT NEED IT. what you really want to see me go off the deepend? STOP MESSING WITH ME and doing the things you know hurt me the most... and for the people who try to be supportive thanks... i just need a real friend at times... and if you are my real friend why dont you let me know... cause i need you now...

 

Hello,

First i and other forum members are here to help you, we are by your side at this difficult moment of your life.

I personally don't think you're crazy, you just need help which is understandable.

I will personally never judge you, as i understand and know that this does not help.

I am here to help you as much as you need, you can even use my PM or my email - i just want you to know that i am here for you and you'll get through this.

I just want to clear up two things: Did the boy that gave your friend hope die? And then your friend also suicided?

You have said "cause im the same way about someone in my life..." - would you like to share some additional information regarding this?

Before i press on the Submit Reply button i just want to say again that i am here to help you, i am here for you and i am sure you will get through this as the winner.

 

Dear Cheyenne,

It’s good that you are here to let your depression out so that people here can help you fight it. Please also check out and see if you need some professional help…

It seems to me that you know deep down inside you what the problems may be. If you rationally choose, you know you want to trust others when they are still with you as your close friends. You know they care about you (rather than just being careful)...

When the person is away for hours, you may want to do something (like a fun or lovely surprise to the person like food the person likes or something) to occupy yourself in a more constructive way, or simply do something for fun, relaxation, or read a book that is helpful for dealing with anxiety or positive thinking, etc, so that when you are together again, there is something new and fresh to share together…

When our mind is too busy, we even lose touch with ourselves. We can quiet down our mind by watching/observing the thoughts appear and disappear in our mind. When our mind is quiet, we can feel the connectedness with our deeper self. Then we feel a kind of wholeness. which can deeply empower us.

You mentioned something about the past. You know you can let the past be the past no matter what it was. You can break the past patterns and go beyond the past. What is happening now are not decided by the past. You have the power to live in the now and you know that only now is real. The future also comes as “now” when we experience the so called “future”. The book “The Power of Now” by Eckhart Tolle talks a lot about this and mind identification, anxiety, thinking patterns, etc. The author used to be deeply depressed and wanted to kill himself. He’s now free of depression… The book is available in most book stores around the world. Here is a link to free download the PDF version of the book:

http://www.holybooks.com/wp-content/uploads/The-Power-Of-Now-EckhartTolle.pdf

You know lots of people here are supportive and would love to help…

With loving wishes and hugs :hug: