Wannabe suicides?

[MrsStavrogin]

Hi, I`m new, and I was just wondering...
I remember that when I had attempted suicide for my first and only time I thought that I really wanted to die. I was serene, determined, certain that I want to end it and happy almost. But what surprises me to this day is that i opted for a med overdose. I just randomly ravaged through my parents` drug cabinet and swallowed what I thought would be sufficient, but not too much, since I knew that vomiting was not unusual. When I think about it today, I know that I really wanted to die, but on the other hand, I know myself better than to expect that I would seriously attempt suicide without painstakingly organizing every micro-detail first. What`s the point of this ramble, you ask? Well, ever since I had survived the attempt (three years ago) the thought of killing myself was kind of loosely hanging over my head, slowly persuading me to follow through. This time, I will make sure that failure is not an option and go for a jump. It terrifies me to the core (I have stood on the edge a couple of times but just couldn`t go through with it), but that`s the only way which I have to my disposal which is most likely to result in success. And, at last, my question to all of you is - Why does one even try to end his/her life with overdosing on meds if he/she is 100% certain that death is the goal? Is it just a cry for help? Was my attempt just a cry for help? Because, when I woke up at the hospital, I can`t say that I was surprised to be alive. Very disappointed that it didn`t work, yes, but not surprised. But I guess I can say that there was a feeling of playing with luck and life when I swallowed those pills. And I don`t think that anyone who attempts suicide in that manner is 100% serious about dying, at least on the subconscious level. Now, a high jump on the other hand, or a gunshot to the head is almost like making a pact with death, and takes much more courage, determination and pre-planning. The success-rate is incomparably higher, and yet, most people choose methods which are much more likely to fail. Why?

 

[nolonger]

How does shooting yourself in the head need more pre-planning than a spur of the moment overdose?

Jumping and gunshot injuries still have fairly massive drawbacks and possible failures. Jumping can give you brain damage/physical disabilities. Guns will do the same thing. Unless you're planning to jump off Everest, or blow your head off with a sniper rifle, there's the chance you'll survive.

The success-rate is incomparably higher, and yet, most people choose methods which are much more likely to fail. Why?

Drugs are a lot more close to hand than firearms are. And you have to get fairly damn high to rule out any kind of survival.

Why does one even try to end his/her life with overdosing on meds if he/she is 100% certain that death is the goal?

Because they're trying to die? It really depends on the person and what/how many meds they're taking. Just because someone took 200 Ibuprofen pills doesn't mean they want to survive. A majority of the time, people that attempt suicide don't plan it out over an extensive period. It can be a very impulsive thing. But there's also those that only attempt once they've planned a long detailed method.

That and the fact that the human body can be a very hard thing to kill

 

[ConfusedSilence]

When I kill myself (even if I manage to get past my depression, I still want to be in control of my own mortality) I'd do it using pills because I don't want to leave life in pain. I want to slip out like a breath on a cold morning, because my life is full of pain, and I want my death to be different so that people see that when it was my choice, I never chose pain.