Want it, need it, do it. . .did it (TRIGGERING DESCRIBES SI well vaguely as I could)

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by Morningstar, Jan 26, 2012.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. Morningstar

    Morningstar Well-Known Member

    Well after I wrote my last post on here I tried not to do it, all in vain I knew what would happen. I gave in as the sun was rising, I grabbed one of the scalpels I had stolen from my doctors office, and f*** was it sharp. I'd actually forgotting how sharp a fresh scalpel could be, in a moment of rationality and safety I put it away(didn't trust myself not to 'accidently slash an artery wide open). So I switched to a drafting knife handle(the same drafting knife handle I started cutting with when I was 15) with an old scalpel head put in but it was way too dull. So I grabbed my exacto knife which did the trick neatly and effectively. I didn't go overboard(mainly cause I had to go to work in an hour'ish) and only made a dozen an a few more slices. Most very shallow with a few slightly deeper. All in all I controlled myself nicely I must say. But I know that it'll just make me want it more and soon. But right now I'm a little calmer and I feel a lot better. Anyway I just needed to get this out I can't tell anyone else I know. This is the only place I can voice my truth and not be judged or looked at with a mix of horror, disgust, and disappointment. So if anyone reads this or more unlikely says something(please refrain from the whole "you should go to the hospital an speak to professionals, I've spent a decade of my life doing that an it DOESN'T work and I'm on medication, it helps a little not much though, basically I don't need nor want to hear any of that kind of talk ANYMORE however well intentioned) I thank you, it means a lot. I'm just hear to like I said voice my truth an NOT be judged, or told what I need to do(especially since I've done IT ALL), or be made to feel bad/wrong or like a freak. I just want to get it OUT somewhere I WON'T feel or be told any of the aforementioned things. Anyway I'll stop typing an stop wasting webspace for now, take care.
     
  2. IAmTheAllOfMe

    IAmTheAllOfMe Member

    Re: Want it, need it, do it. . .did it (TRIGGERING DESCRIBES SI well vaguely as I cou

    I know what you mean Morningstar. This really is the only place to express yourself without being judged. I feel like people at school are always staring at my scars and judging me. Some of them say "If you need me, I'm hear to talk", but they don't understand. Cutting feels good, its wrong, but it feels good and is an awful habit. I'm really glad you recognize what you're doing, it took me a while to. But I just thought I'd say I'm not judging you, I'm not discusted by you, I'm not dissapointed by you, and I definitely am not horrified by you, just know that I understand and, even though it may not seem like it now, you're not alone.
    Always here,
    Meg
     
  3. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    Re: Want it, need it, do it. . .did it (TRIGGERING DESCRIBES SI well vaguely as I cou

    I know how you feel, like you don't really want to hurt yourself but you want the pain to go away. Sometimes it helps you to feel better, or less stressed, or distracts you from other things. It's true that you won't be judged here, and that's why I like the site so much. People can really relate to what you are going through. I hope things will get better for you soon. :hug:
     
  4. crystalclear

    crystalclear Well-Known Member

    Re: Want it, need it, do it. . .did it (TRIGGERING DESCRIBES SI well vaguely as I cou

    Oh im just glad you didn't go through with it hon. If it somehow helps you just post here as much as you want... we'll listen without judgement.
     
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.