Want it, need it, do it, want it, need it, do it . . .(TRIGGERING)

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by Morningstar, Jan 25, 2012.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. Morningstar

    Morningstar Well-Known Member

    I started cutting when I was 15(I'm 23 now) I'm not gonna get into my whole story. I will say that there have been times were I didn't cut as much or even for months at a time. Mainly because I'm also junkie(well recovering. . .kinda) and well when I was using(painkillers, specifically Hydromorphone an Oxy sometimes) I didn't need to cut. I've been in NA for over 9 months now(slipped a couple times an not told anyone) but I've stayed away from cutting almost the entire time. I slipped a week an a half ago, just a few very very shallow cuts that don't even count in my opinion(compared to what used to be usual for me). Anyway as my post title suggests I'm pretty much at the point where I need to do this again. My life seems to be falling apart again and there seems to be nothing I can do to fix it. Unless I go back to being my 'old' self to deal with the things that are going on. I need to move again because my roommate is a selfish, greedy, lying prick, but I digress. Anyway I just can't take it anymore and sadly I'm broke right now so drugs are not an option for me so. Like a lot of my other posts I don't know why I'm posting this I know I'm going to cut. I have too I have to get this. . .feeling out, I need the pain, I need the blood, I just. . .need it.
     
  2. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    I'm sorry that you feel the need to cut but I can understand why you want to do it. I hope that things will get better for you soon. :hug:
     
  3. Morningstar

    Morningstar Well-Known Member

    Thank you for being understanding and for not doing the almost standard. "Please don't hurt yourself, please seek help from 'professionals' and if you feel that way go to the ER and if you do cut still go to the ER". Personally I'm at the point in my life where I hate it qhen people say things like that even though I know they mean well. That fact is I've been in therapy with multiple therapists for almost a decade now. I've also been on near two dozen different medications. So far all except one(the one I'm on now) either didn't work at all or made me worse, a lot worse. I've also been through many different therapy approaches, group therapy, self-medication(my drug of choice being hydromorphone an Oxy both I'm off now an in NA an been offically clean over 9months but I slipped just before new years eve), support groups(currently NA), and alternative treatments. So my point is I've tried an still try many things to 'get better'. But I just CAN'T, I'M BROKEN and well cutting works, it helps, I know it's temporart(an I"ll have to do it again an again) but ot's better then slowly killing myself with drugs, so. . . Again thank you thank you thank you, for saying what you said an leaving it at that.
     
  4. AsphyxiateOnMisery

    AsphyxiateOnMisery Well-Known Member

    I've been cutting since I was 15 too and I'm 22 now. I've also had problems with opiate dependence...heroin, to be exact. And yes it's true that a lot of recovering addicts often switch one addiction for another (in your case it's cutting). I don't know about everyone else but I feel cutting isn't nearly as bad as doing oxys, as long as you know your limits. If I were you, I would just try to focus on one thing at a time and concentrate on not using for now.
     
  5. Morningstar

    Morningstar Well-Known Member

    Yeah that's kinda the way I'm looking at it right now as I don't really see another option. I mean it is literally this or I go back to having a needle in my arm all day. Which well it definitely would take away my misery, well. . .I know it's not the best thing for me. It is kinda ironic in way though, I mean SH was my 'first' 'addiction'(if you wanna call it that) and then I discovered opiates. Now that I'm off opiates(well except for those couple slips) I seem to be going back to SH'ing. And now all of my meds have stopped working and I just don't know what to do anymore. Anyway I'll post about that later, thank you for your words though they do mean a lot.
     
  6. Have you ever tried The Butterfly Project or snapping your wrist with a rubber band? Sometimes even holding ice in your palm until it melts can help. I know how you feel, this is an urge I have as well. If you're not familiar with the Butterfly Project it is when you draw butterflies on the location near your cuts. You can personalize them however you want, but you name the butterflies after people you love. IN theory, if you cut the butterflies you have killed them and therefore hurt the people you love. You can't cut again until the butterflies have faded on their own. I know for some people this helps, unfortunatley for others it doesn't. But it's worth the try. :) I hope you'll try these if you haven't already. If you ever need someone to talk to I'm here for you. Remember, you are loved and people care about you. You are never alone.

    ~Mixxi
     
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.