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Want it to end..

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by wistfuldaydreams, Jan 13, 2013.

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  1. wistfuldaydreams

    wistfuldaydreams New Member

    I've been thinking about dying since I was six and about suicide since I was fourteen. I used to really want to die and on a daily basis would consider all manner of ways to do it and was desperate to take action. I have been deeply depressed and self harmed because I wasn't able to die but now I am past all that. I have been sectioned and am still on medication but none of it changes anything. I feel I should have died a long time ago, however, I have lived through it and thoughts and feelings have changed, though it's no better now. I am at peace with things and suicide will be a release for me. I am left with nothing. I have no desire to do anything, no wanting feeling and getting through each day is becoming more difficult.
    I can't work as getting a job and having to interact with people on a daily basis, people who don't think or feel as I do, feigning optimism and enthusiasm would only make things worse. Dealing with the people I have to see each day is bad enough. They are trying to get me to find a job so when I don't, I have no idea how much longer they will pay me benefits. When they stop I will no longer be able to live and so I will kill myself, however, I don't want to get through every day till then. It seems like I'm just waiting to die but because I am able to live, I do. So I'm left living a life I don't want to live. (mod edit ) I am decided now and past all the uncertainty, determined in my course of action.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 13, 2013
  2. jimk

    jimk Staff Alumni

    wistful. i changed your title and did some editing of your post here.. suicide pacting and asking for a partner to do death with are not allowed on here at all.. please read the rules and guidelines before you post again.. we are very prolife on this website. purpose of this website is to prevent suicide and provide support to those wanting to die.. you take care, Jim
  3. xxnad

    xxnad New Member

    I'm also left living a life I dont want to live, but dying doesnt solve anything and I know that now. People change everyday and one day, I woke up happy. I dont know HOW it happened but it just did. Sometimes a failed attempt at suicide can make you see something new in life, gain you a new prospective. You know what you want but maybe its not what you need. I'm feigning optimism as well, living my life as if I am happy with things as the way it is. I'm not. There are a lot of things I want to change, but I know that I shouldn't bother. I dont often feel suicidal, just running away to start anew. New life, new people. You can kik me anytime: "nadxblood".
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