Want pain to stop

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by bridget, Feb 16, 2012.

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  1. bridget

    bridget New Member

    I'm new to this forum. Just didn't know what to do. I have chronic pain from a kidney disease plus fibromyalgia and currently no doctor will treat me. It's a long story but basically my pain mgmt doc closed his practice. Back in October I lost my job because my health was interfering too much. I filed for disability but that can take years to get - plus I'm 34 so it would be even harder for me than someone older. I'm in this holding pattern right now where I can scrape by with unemployment and my dad's money for a teensy while longer until May when my lease runs out and all the money is gone. Then I'll have to live with one of my parents and give up the only thing that makes me even remotely happy - my 2 dogs.

    I'm in constant pain and only have enough medicine for one more day. After that I'll have to, I don't know... starve? Curl up and die? Without some kind of help the pain is so intense I can barely move. I live on my own and well, it's not easy. Also my stomach hurts a lot - it might be stress, it might be the pain, or the depression. I have to force myself to eat in order to take medicine but after tomorrow I won't have much of a reason to eat. I'm far from skinny so I guess not eating isn't terrible but it's pretty uncomfortable.

    Anyway, I'm stuck, lost, alone, miserable... it just seems like it would be so much easier to just end everything. I'm so tired and hurt so much and have nowhere to go. I just feel useless - like what's the point of trying anymore if this is all I'll ever have for the rest of my life - I'll just be a huge burden and a big Debbie Downer that no one wants around. My only reasons for living right now include my dogs (whom I may be forced to give up anyway), and the fact that I owe my dad tons of money (but I seriously doubt at this point I'll be able to earn enough to pay him back anyway). I don't want to die but I'm starting feel like it's my best option.

  2. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Is there a doctor you can go to and get more pain meds? At least something temporary, to hold you over while you try to find a new doctor? You might be able to use Google to try and find a new pain management doctor that's in your area?

    If I can help in any way (either with support, or doing research), feel free to drop me a PM.
  3. Ajean

    Ajean Well-Known Member

    I know how you feel. the pain and all. chronic migraines...

    I dont know how to help you 'cause i can barely help myself but at least now you know you aren't the only one suffering, if it helps any...
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