Want so badly to talk and be heard.

Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by Adsum, Jun 14, 2012.

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  1. Adsum

    Adsum Member

    I have been struggling with so many things lately. The suicidal thoughts, the anger, the feelings of betrayal and abandonment.

    Recently I had someone totally betray me. It was not that the person had betrayed me but that I had really opened up to this person about the abuse that I had endured. Details about the sexual abuse and the extent and the horrible things that were done. When this person ended up turning on me, in a lot of ways it was worse than the original acts against me. I have been left feeling so dirty.

    To have told someone of the horrible and shameful things that was done to me, to let them in. To have them tell me all of the proper things and make me believe that they cared. This only caused me to feel comfortable enough to share even more. Now that they have done this, it has destroyed so much trust. I just can't trust anyone. I want so badly to share with my therapist what has happened. I just can't. It just brings up such terror.

    I feel like there is a cat o' nine tails spinning furiously inside of me and ripping me apart. All the while, I must sit in silence with this pain as my own. The pain is magnified so much when I share it and the person just stomps on my story and me like I'm bothersome sand.

    I want so desperately to be able to trust someone with my story and not have them shred me into a million pieces. I want someone to allow me to cry and feel this outside and release it from inside me. It is killing me.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi hun i hear you i do . The person to trust is your therapist ok hun no judgement just the help you need he or s he will give you to cope to understand all that pain you are feeling.
    YOu need to release it hun the words the sadness the pain the anger and in your therapist office you will have someone who will help you in a safe way to do so hugs
  3. That's really terrible and traumatizing of someone to betray your trust, especially about something so personal. But your therapist can help you work through it. You don't have to worry about a therapist betraying your trust; they're there to protect your privacy and help you work through your trauma to come to a peaceful conclusion.
  4. Adsum

    Adsum Member

    Thank you guys.

    I think it is just that this betrayal has so many tentacles so to speak. In a round about way, it sort of ended up involving my therapist. My therapist themself didn't betray my trust in that instance but it has just eroded my trust there as well.

    I have all of these things that were done to me sort of swirling around and eating up my heart and mind. I feel that they are killing me.
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