Want someone I can't have

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by Zirone, Oct 16, 2009.

  1. Zirone

    Zirone Well-Known Member

    Ok long story short I was at out with some friends in town and I had the chance to ask someone I really like out but i missed out on the chance big time due to going off with some off my mates elsewhere, low and behold fate comes and kicks me in the balls and decides that she meets someone and goes out with them, now they are happy and I'm stuck being the 'supportive friend' and its killing me, its blindingly obvious to her friends (they've hinted it, she didnt catch on thank god).

    Rant over. :(
     
  2. lonercarrot

    lonercarrot Well-Known Member

    well being the supportive friend can have its perks in the future. things can still go your way
     
  3. Datura

    Datura Well-Known Member

    ^ Unlikely. Once in the friend zone, the chances of getting out are slim.

    You should back off, op. It's only going to hurt you if you're her form of support.
     
  4. Aerial

    Aerial Well-Known Member

    I agree. Just hanging around her you know what your true intentions and feelings are each time. You're going to be reminded of that. I say create some distance now and back off. Each time you offer her "support" you know that your true hope is that she'll suddenly confess that she wants to be with you instead. It's torture and it's going to hurt more and more the longer you put yourself through that because again your agenda is not really to support her but to be with her.

    Distance yourself now before you get further involved with these feelings. It will be hard, but believe me, you'll be better off and eventually you'll move on.
     
  5. lonercarrot

    lonercarrot Well-Known Member

    All I can tell you is that I faced a similar dilemma once in the past and I regret my decision of backing off.

    If you think distancing yourself from her will make all your feelings disappear and save you from pain, you're mistaken. You have the option of being with her as a friend and still have the opportunity to be a big part of her life and share great experiences with her. You shouldn’t throw that away.
     
  6. Aurora Gory Alice

    Aurora Gory Alice Well-Known Member

    I say go for it.
    I know I am going to get shot down for this but she's not married is she. Hint that you'll always be keen on her but don't say anything more. She might start to see you in a different light and dump the guy she's with for you.
    It's worth a try. But think about what you have to lose if she isn't interested before you do anything.
    Always weigh up the consequences.

    I have wanted people I can't have my whole life. I'm just used to it by now.
     
  7. Kris.T

    Kris.T Well-Known Member

    I'm the opposite for backing off from the supportive friend role. I was friends with a girl for years, seeing her go through boyfriend after boyfriend, just being there being her supportive friend, secretly having a crush on her until one night we were watching a movie and she kissed me. We dated for 3 years after that, so it can definately have it's advantages.
     
  8. The Scream

    The Scream Well-Known Member

    for a good relationship to work out, shouldn't you be good supportive friends first?
     
  9. Aerial

    Aerial Well-Known Member

    This is true, but if someone is acting supportive just to try to get closer to the other person, that's not a really good basis to start anything on. Plus, it can be very disappointing if all that effort doesn't really pay off in the end.

    I've been there. I once got close to a guy who was going through a hard time with a then recent ex, hoping that he'd become closer to me through all of the understanding I offered him. I wasn't just any supportive friend. I had an agenda the entire time. It backfired, he got back with his ex and I was left dry, hurt, and bitter. If I wasn't interested in him, I don't think I'd be as interested in showing him support at all. He really though I cared about his issues.That shit hurt a great deal when he went back with his ex, but I put myself in the line of fire by doing pretending, so it was kind of my fault.

    There was another guy I was intensely interested in recently. I wrote about this in another thread. We met at a convention when he was single and he became a long distance friend once we flew back to our respective locations. We kept in contact. I am not sure if he ever knew I was interested but looking back, maybe he did. I tried to throw out some signals enough to hope that he caught on but not to make myself too vulnerable in case he didn't feel the same way back. I hate rejection and it's always tough for me to deal with.

    He got involved with someone later on and he seemed really keen on developing that relationship. I could tell from his emails when we discussed her. Believe me, I wanted to try to get him to end it in a sly way, but that kind of shit is foul no matter how I felt and I think he would saw what I was doing. He didn't have to be married but I knew he was involved so that just killed me inside knowing he wasn't available any longer. I eventually distanced myself and backed off for my own peace of mind. I needed to look back at everything anyway and figure out why I was fixated on him in the first place. I know that's one of my issues.

    I'm not one to try to interfere with other people's relationships. I've done some crazy things but I've had this happen to me several years ago. I dated this guy for awhile who had a friend he know before dating me. Turned out that she was always interested in him but never told him. When he began dating me, she tried everything in her power to sabotage our relationship by spreading lies on me that were not true. He saw through it eventually and confronted her although we ended later for other reasons. I wanted to kill her though. I hate women like that so I don't want to be a bitch that way knowing how it feels.

    I also think because I'm so possessive when it comes to love, I'd hate for someone to try to meddle in on my relationship, someone who is pretending to be his friend just to get close to him and to get me out of the way.

    Now if the a guy is just dating around, then that's a different story. He's fair game. He's not really serious about anyone at that point.

    But look out for yourself OP. If you're already sensitive about being rejected, be careful about getting yourself into a situation that might not turn out the way you want. My emotions can be fragile so I'm not good with rejection or disappointment myself. I don't want to be sent over the edge if I can't handle it. Just throwing that out there too for some thought.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 18, 2009
  10. lost43215

    lost43215 Well-Known Member

    Id just be happy that she's found someone nomatter who it is. Just continue being friends with her but dont hope everyday that she breaks up with him or that first second she does ur in there. Sure in the future too if she's single bring up going out with her, but if she says no dont get hugely bumed out. Just remember she's a great friend and you should be happy for her no matter what happens.
     
  11. The Scream

    The Scream Well-Known Member

    reply @ the bold part =]

    no offence but that's not really good friendship though, right? =]
    really good friendship comes from purely a "connection"
    two people getting along well/good together
    without either one of the two having an agenda

    those friendships are hard to obtain
    and im sure not everyone on this planet has someone like that
    but i believe that's the only good basis for a relationship to start

    some people know each other for a week or so and are already boyfriend/girlfriend
    that's like really weird!
    you don't even really "know" that person you call your gf/bf
    it amazes me.
     
  12. The Scream

    The Scream Well-Known Member

    exactly! and if you really are a friend of hers without the double agenda thing, you are able to be happy for her. and that would suggest you really love her and you're mind isn't playing tricks on you. =]
     
  13. Zirone

    Zirone Well-Known Member

    Thankyou everyone for your replies, they've given me the chance to think about this properly.

    I've decided that I'm going to stay friends with her and everything, just not going to be too 'clingy' and see what happens :)
     
  14. lonercarrot

    lonercarrot Well-Known Member

    This is the best thing you can do. Hope things work out well for you :)
     
  15. Stormhand

    Stormhand Well-Known Member

    I have been in so many situations like this.
    The last one was someone I met 4-5 years ago, I have had the hots for her, but never had the gutts to ask her out.
    Well this has a funny ending to it kinda.
    So She starts going out with my buddy Shane, well its been 3 years now, very recently I found out she can be a real cold bitch.

    I was at the time getting over a GF, and well i was ranting about it alot, she said and I quote" do you know what your problem is? you liek to tell everybody who your pissed off at."

    After how cold that was of her i said hell with her and really don't talk to her anymore.
    And really I am so damn glad I never dated her, there would of been very ugly moments.