My medication does very little for me beyond the side effects... I'm still anxious, deeply depressed, full of self hatred.. but not suicidal. As scary as it was, as much as I hate them, I want the suicidal thoughts back. At least when I was suicidal I saw a way out of the pain, but now I'm in the same dark hole, with no escape. I can hide my feelings better, but life is still horrible. There's such a struggle in me, if I get off the meds, there's a good chance I may go through with it. But that tiny spark of hope the meds give me keep me from it, but they don't relieve me from my misery. Can anyone relate?