Want suicidal thoughts back...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Undone, May 1, 2008.

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  1. Undone

    Undone Active Member

    My medication does very little for me beyond the side effects... I'm still anxious, deeply depressed, full of self hatred.. but not suicidal. As scary as it was, as much as I hate them, I want the suicidal thoughts back. At least when I was suicidal I saw a way out of the pain, but now I'm in the same dark hole, with no escape. I can hide my feelings better, but life is still horrible. There's such a struggle in me, if I get off the meds, there's a good chance I may go through with it. But that tiny spark of hope the meds give me keep me from it, but they don't relieve me from my misery. Can anyone relate?
  2. boopy

    boopy Member

    I understand where you are coming from but dont feel like talking too much all I wanted to say was hang on to that little bit of hope because that is your way out. I am thinking about you and sending you hugs xx
  3. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    yep, when i started on anti-depressants i thought my darkest days were behind me, but they were ahead. it was as if those little rays of hope as i started to get better were mocking me, as i still fell deeply into depression for many hours of the day. still, i choose to take them because my approach to getting well has been "what do i have to lose". it's some time on now and my depression is slowly lifting. i think all the meds did was keep me afloat until i had enough strength to begin counselling and tackle all my self-hatred head on.

    can i ask how long have you been on medication?
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