Hi all, As of yesterday, i was informed that when and if i finish my last year of high school, i will be kicked out for not going to college. i put the if because dropping out is prominant in my mind. dont get me wrong, im an A and B student, i passed my junior year with A's and B's. but i see no purpose in it anymore, if i dont go to college, which i wont be, then why should i finish high school? you can barely get a job at mc donalds with a diploma, let alone get one that will support me. i have no friends, so having a room mate is out of the question, my family is fed up with me and "not caring" which is really my word for wanting to die. i guess what im saying is, im on edge right now, and i just want to be pushed. ive been thinking about how im going to do it, ive been thinking about my suicide note, or if i should even write one. i already though about how my family will react to my death, they will be very sad, but they will eventually get over it. im a prick to my family, so they wont be too upset. my mom even said if i dont go to college i cant stay with her, my dad said the same, my brother wont take me in because hes in college himself, and can barely sustaine himself. id rather be dead than sleeping in the street. and just so you know, im a quote unquote "genius" and a "brilliant" art student. i just dont see the point anymore, why would i have these talents if im just wasting them away? i need a push, anything, my dad hitting me, kicking me out, something. my friend dying, which i already think happened, and he is my only friend. i just need something, i need something to push me. last night i stared at the vein in my arm wishing i could completely sever it and watch myself die. i need to die. it needs to happen. im tired of living like this.