Want to be with Mom

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Cybrsk8r, May 20, 2007.

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  1. Cybrsk8r

    Cybrsk8r Well-Known Member

    I've posted here a few times before. I sometimes get so depressed and miss Mom so much that I just want to sleep forever. Maybe I'll go to be with her after it's over.
     
  2. kath

    kath Well-Known Member

    Oh hun im sorry you feel so bad.i wish i could take that pain away and help more.But i know i cant.i feel bad about that and im sorry.Your situation sounds to be hurting you so much.i can tell that from the few lines youve written.Please know though that you can talk to us and that we do hear,we do listen.i hear,i listen and you are important.i hope over time your pain feels more manageable and you can hold onto and remember all the happy and positive times with your Mum.i know you feel so alone now but im sure your Mum wouldnt want you to feel like that and would want you to feel able to live your life to the full.Please try and keep safe.Take care.kath.
     
  3. Cybrsk8r

    Cybrsk8r Well-Known Member

    I've found a place online where I can buy massive amounts of my blood pressure medicine. I'm gonna place an order, just in case.
     
  4. Shadowlands

    Shadowlands Official SF Hugger Staff Alumni

    Online medicine stores sell sugar pills mostly. Good thing here is that you cannot kill yourself with sugar.
     
  5. Cybrsk8r

    Cybrsk8r Well-Known Member

    I've decided that my departure date will be December 23, 2009. What that date? It's my birthday. I'll be 50. I figure if life isn't worth living by then, it never will be, and 50 years is enough of this.
     
  6. Shadowlands

    Shadowlands Official SF Hugger Staff Alumni

    Could you share something about your mom? You seem to care so much about her that there should be some good memories.
     
  7. Bostonensis

    Bostonensis Guest

    You brought sadness in me which I seldom shed tears. One you remind me how much I missed my Dad. Two,when I'm gone how my son would cope the loneliness of being an only child.
     
  8. Cybrsk8r

    Cybrsk8r Well-Known Member

    Well, if I had a son, or a wife, or anyone who cared whether I was alive or dead, then I wouldn't be planning my exit.
     
  9. Bostonensis

    Bostonensis Guest

    If your mom is here today what do you think she wants you be?
     
  10. Cybrsk8r

    Cybrsk8r Well-Known Member

    When I was about 10, Mom went in the hospital. One night I went with the rest of the family to see her. They asked at the reception desk in the lobby how old I was. When told my age they said that I wasn't allowed to go up. Dad tried to get the hospital to relent, but they said no. So I had to sit on the couch in the lobby while they went up to visit. I felt so alone. I sat there crying for I don't know how long. Well, they must've told Mom that I was down there alone, because she came down and sat with me for a while.

    I now find myself back on that couch. Only this time, Mom isn't going to come down and make evrything better. :cry:
     
  11. Shadowlands

    Shadowlands Official SF Hugger Staff Alumni

    She is there with you in spirit.
     
  12. Bostonensis

    Bostonensis Guest

    I am 40 when my parents passed away.I think we are still "grieving " I never grieve before so I don't know.Esp you ,you are so young to lose a mother. I have also a friend who is 63 now ,he lives in FLA & I am in NH .He called me Mothers day & was crying about his mother who died when he was 40 y/o. I believed people have differences in dealing with losses . I am sure the love of our parents is irreplaceable, we lost something that cannot find anywhere or from anyone. Acceptance is my only choice otherwise like you I also find it extremely difficult to move on. That is how I find myself here.
     
  13. Cybrsk8r

    Cybrsk8r Well-Known Member

    Anyone who hasn't gone thru it can understand how painful it is. I just don't think the pain will ever go away. I think about what will happen after I'm gone. I want to make it as easy as possible for what's left of my family. I don't want to cause any pain. I just want to end my pain.
     
  14. Cybrsk8r

    Cybrsk8r Well-Known Member

    I'm going to go and see what's left of my family this weekend. I want to see them to tell them I love them. I want to make sure they know that. I don't want to go without saying it.
     
  15. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    Losing a parent is indeed very hard. No, she can't come and sit next to you and reassure you anymore, but you do have all the memories of the times she did. It sounds like you loved your mother very much. My guess is she would want you to continue on and make her proud. Mature, raise a family of your own. Feel the same pride in your children that she had in you. Parents want a better life for their children than they had. Give her that. It would be the most precious thing you could do in her memory. She would want to see you happy. I am here for you of you need someone to talk to. I didn't lose my mom, but I did lose my dad. Please take care. :hug:
     
  16. Cybrsk8r

    Cybrsk8r Well-Known Member

    There aren't going to be any children. It's to late for that. I just feel liek there is never going to be any real happiness in my life. I've had suicidal thoughts for a few years now. The thought og Mom at my funeral always stopped me. Now, I don't think there's anything that can. But I appreciate all the kind words for me. Makes me feel a little less worthless.
     
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