Want To Die Because I Can't Get Rid Of My Pain

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by ELLIEANDMONKEY, Mar 28, 2011.

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    ELLIEANDMONKEY Well-Known Member


    I do have people that love me and care for me. However I can not get past the pain of losing my ex boyfriend. I thought he loved me and instead it was the exact opposite and I had no idea. I feel guilt beyond belief. It has been 6 months since he left me and I am still in the same place....even worse. He is remarried and happy to be without me as he has made so very clear. I loved him more than anything/anybody I've ever loved. I would have died for him.

    I have cancer and had cancer when he left which makes it even more devastating.

    I'm here because I'm hoping someone knows how I can get past this pain. I've heard "time heals" but honestly....it isn't healing at all.

    The one thing I've never lost is hope. But this is my last straw. I will also go to the hospital tomorrow and letting them know I'm suicidal.

    I do have things to live for....but I need to get rid of this pain first.
  2. Am_I_Insane?

    Am_I_Insane? New Member


    I am also new here, but also trying to get over a relationship of almost 10 years, whiles he moves on hapilly.

    But guess this is just one more bitter gift of life, my life was so hard that this just shoewd me that there is no point in believe life will smile for me any day, i alwas choose the wrong people and our future is their hands to...

    But i red your post, and saw you ex left you with cancer, and besides i lived an abusive relationship (i guess, he says is my fault), reading the word "cancer" in your post and be left in that condition makes me want to shouth my mouth when i say i lost my hope.

    What kind of person leaves another one with Cancer? At least some support, if it happened to any of us we for sure would not like to be left alone at that poit.

    I do not know what to day to you, just say: keep your hope, for sure you should be a very strong women, some lost their hope for less, so inside must be the way to win to this desease and to this breakup.

    Wich all the best for you, your post touched me, and is the one i red yet.
  3. Pécheur

    Pécheur Account Closed

    Hi there :smile:
    Welcome to SF.

    Sounds like your situation must be awful, I can relate to the loss of a loved one through break up. He then went on to marry my cousin and she recently gave birth to his child. I'm not sure at the extent of your cancer, but if it's any relief I do hope it's not causing you too much grief. And yes, like above.. it was truly thoughtless of him to have left you with no support.

    Keep going strong and other members on the forum who are/have experienced a similar situation can hopefully help to fill in that support gap where your ex hasn't. Do hope to see you around and good luck at the hospital.

  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi i do hope you do go to hospital and get the help you need you deserve to heal If you need to just release some of that pain post it out here as well okay and keep posting until the pain lessens some hugs
  5. Tygerlili8

    Tygerlili8 Member

    Ellie I'm so sorry for your troubles. This guy sounds like an unbelievable loser. Keep your chin up. Good to see you're making it to the hospital for some help. Lots of love to you. :)

    ELLIEANDMONKEY Well-Known Member

    I feel so much guilt. He said I wasn't affectionate enough and I wasn't. I would do anything to turn back time....I loved him more than I've ever loved anyone or anything.

    I honestly don't think I'll ever get over the pain of losing him...I'm on my last feet.

    He's so happy without me and doesn't even ever phone to ask how my cancer is....it is devastating.

    I would do anything to have him back. And it will never be.
  7. Tygerlili8

    Tygerlili8 Member

    That's not love. He never loved you, honey. I would have compassion and sympathy for his new wife. :wink:

    It's okay. Only without him can you truly heal. How IS your cancer treatment going, if you don't mind me asking. Because I care.
  8. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    He left you knowing you have cancer and blamed you for it...what a loser! Sorry you are spending so much of your cherished energy on someone who did not deserve you..you sound like a jewel and he sounds like...well, I am too much of a lady to write it...please tell yourself how fortunate you are to not have him in your life and devote yourself to healing...big hugs and I hope you soon learn that you are a gift, one he could not see he had and was not worthy of...J
  9. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    I went thru a rough breakup..My ex said I worked to much and didn't spend enough time with her..So she started going to the bars and cheated on me.. Like you I was madly in love with her..It took me a year to switch from greif to anger..I am not saying you will ever forget..But it will get better..
  10. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    time wounds all heels

    the hell with him

    ELLIEANDMONKEY Well-Known Member

    If I could go back in time I'd give him all the affection he wanted. I really would. The guilt I feel is almost unbearable. I loved him so much and I didn't show it! He told me and I thought I was doing good but I had no idea how much affection he needed.

    He's now so happy without me....hasn't called to see how I am.

    The guilt is so strong.

    If time heels all wounds why haven't I even started to heel after 6 months?
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