Want to die....but....

[Onedayatatime]

Hi everyone - I'm new to this board and grateful to see such a forum addressing suicide.

I'm a 38 yo male, and have been previously diagnosed with depression/anxiety/ocd. Although I am on medication (Zoloft), I feel dead inside - like I am just able to muster enough energy to make it through the day. The ONLY thoughts that comfort me, besides prayer and love for my children, are thoughts of my own death to escape the despair brought on by depression resulting from extreme job insecurity and marital stress.

The only things that keep me hanging on are 1) my kids and not wanting them to have to deal with my suicide and the trauma that would bring, and 2) doubts about where I would spend eternity if I did commit suicide (although I am a practicing Catholic, believe in Jesus Christ, and accepted him as my Lord and Savior when I was young).

Does anyone else feel (or has felt) this way, and, if so, how do (did) you cope? Thank you so much in advance for reading my post. PMs are welcome.

 

[Sadeyes]

Hi and so glad you posted...have you spoken to your pdoc about your reactions to the medication? Maybe there is a medication that can help you feel better without the 'feeling dead' side effects...I have worried about the 'here after' at times, especially when I am at my rock bottom, but for me, I think this is has been a way to assure that I never go below a certain point...so sorry you are feeling so awful, but glad you can see how important your children are to you...J

 

[total eclipse]

Hi hun ya i feel like you do here only because i can't pass the pain on to my family i went to doctor and got meds that do not sonk me out you can get meds changed okay hugs to you welcome to SF

 

[Onedayatatime]

Thank you both for your replies. My PC doc seems to think that my meds are fine (just increases the dosage). Basically tells me a lot of depression is fear driven and that I just need to remember that. I know that meds can treat the symptoms of depression and anxiety (which it does), but the thoughts of suicide are - bluntly - comforting in a weird way....Sorry to ramble...