Want to die. Haven't felt like this for awhile.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Justblue, Dec 3, 2009.

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  1. Justblue

    Justblue Member

    Hello, new here.
    I don't know what to say. I really want release, the only thing that's keeping it at bay is my daughter.
    I have no worth.
    ...I don't know....
    I haven't felt this for almost a decade. Tried suicide once along time ago, went to slow and got scared.
    I mean really, why bother? There's over 6 billion of us on this planet. Excluding my daughter no one would care.
    I hate myself. I hate myself.
  2. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    :hug: What's wrong, why don't you feel like you have any worth?
  3. Justblue

    Justblue Member

    Because I don't.
    The ususal pathetic resume:
    Dead end job, that's trying to get rid of me.
    Spouse that despises me.
    No desire for anything, no goals, no dreams, no energy.
    SAS, in the exreem.
    No prospects.
    I love my little girl, but I just don't want to breath any more. I just want to sleep.
    I can't stand people or being around people, the only thing I hate more is myself.
    I define loser.
  4. xXxRNBxXx

    xXxRNBxXx Senior member

    awhhh hunny :hug: so sorry your feeling this way...

    I wish there were something i could say to make things better but i also feel the same so i cant... :cry: xxxx
  5. Justblue

    Justblue Member

    How long has it been?
  6. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    All those things you've listed ... they don't mean you are worthless.

    I know what it's like to have a resume that you're not proud of. I've got one of those, and I hate it.

    Why does your spouse despise you?

    I hope you'll at least keep posting here...
  7. VonBlown

    VonBlown Well-Known Member

    Everybodies pretty much worthless, I wouldn't let it get me down. I'd just expect people to mostly to be asses. Be happy I was still healthy, and take my little girl to the amusement park, and tell her I loved her with all my heart.
  8. Shouri

    Shouri Member

    Dont let your circumstance define you. I know how you feel my resume looks like crap and I dont know where to go now. I got laid off from my dream job and feel ashamed
  9. diver200

    diver200 Senior Member

    My wife and kids are my only reason to live. Hard to keep going when it is only for their benefit--I get no joy out of living--but you just have to think about the effect on your daughter. It would devastate her. Get some counseling from a good counselor (hard to find, I know), but you just have to keep trying to find someone that can help support you. I finally found someone after thirty years, and he is a great counselor. helps me deal with the loneliness, lack of motivation, and desire to drift off into sleep and never awake. Hold on, hunni.
  10. Justblue

    Justblue Member

    My heartfelt gratitude for the replies, and love and compassion to you all.
    It is very hard, right now. It feels very difficult to continue to rebuild spiritually, or fight for my job, or respond to people. Even sleep and the act of going to/waiting for sleep seems an effort.
  11. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    I know things are really hard right now. Just take it one day at a time ... a few hours at a time if you have to. At least you've reached out and posted here; that's a step in the right direction.
  12. Justblue

    Justblue Member

    Does anyone know of any....I don't know, 'techniques' to get their id back? The desire to fight? To care?
  13. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    I can tell you love your little girl. Can you spend some time with her, take her somewhere ... just be around her? Spending that time with her might give you some of that fight back.
  14. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hey dam depression sucks all energy out of you i understand. For now can you try using distractions to pull you out of the darkness a bit. Take your daughter out to see some Christmas lights, Take her to a park and just play with her. Hug her and read her a favorite book and listen to her laughter and joy. I know it is hard but she is worth the fight i know because that is what keeps me here is the thought of her being devasted if idid do anything hang on with us for awhile okay keep posting and letting us know how you are.
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