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Want to die so bad

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by SeanW, May 16, 2010.

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  1. SeanW

    SeanW Member

    Hey guys, basically i'm 21 have no friends and i'm so ugly and fucked up i'll never be able get a girlfriend.. I feel so bad and cry myself to sleep every night but i feel so scared about suicide (failed once) and if i'm being honest i feel sick to my stomach at the thought of my parents finding me dead. Love them so much
    Last edited by a moderator: May 16, 2010
  2. absolution

    absolution Forum Buddy

    You say you love your parents?? if you cant live for yourself hun live for them. :hug: plus i bet your not ugly... :hug:

    keep fighting i know you can do it... im here if you need me :love:
  3. MadeOfGlass

    MadeOfGlass Well-Known Member

    Hey, welcome to the forum. I'm Sarah, and I hope that you can find the support you need here. It's good that you love your parents and that you stay here for them. Hang in there. :hug:
  4. SeanW

    SeanW Member

    Thanks alot you guys...
  5. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Here too, if you need someone to talk to.
  6. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    :hug: Really enjoyed chatting to you earlier... and hadn't seen this post then, just want to say that looks aren't everything, having good looks doesn't equal happiness. Just like money doesn't.
    I too have no friends IRL, but hey, as long as you don't give up-that's all that matters for now.

    Sleep well & talk soon :)
  7. jabooty

    jabooty Banned Member

    sean...there is someone for everyone. if you try hard enough, im sure you too can find someone. I understand that your self esteem may be low so talking or trying may be difficult. But if you dont try, you wont get rewarded. Ive seen all kinds of couples.

    ugly/beautiful...fat/skinny...tall/short...etc. If you dont approach youll never know. How are they going to know.

    One thing I have noticed is that women/girls love a few things...

    girls avert your eyes this is guys secrets!

    1. They love ppl who can make them laugh.
    2. They love confidence.
    3. The pretiests girl is always the loneliest!! why, becuase most guys think that they are unapproachable and dont even try.
    4. Some like lots of money...stay away from those tho. they often use you and hurt you...but again it is anyther way to attract them. You just have to use caution with those types.
    5. Most love honesty and someone who is caring.
    6. Be charming and a gentleman...
    7. Some like you to be a total jerk.
    8. Others like to be ignored...so you give them just a little...enough to let them know your interested.

    I can go on and on...but i think you may get my point. This is actually going to help another fourm member(s)...who are also experiancing the same issues.

    So dont be so hard on yourself...your a young man. You have your entire life to look foward to and in that time you will meet many!
  8. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    sean I'm glad you love your parents so much that you don't want to hurt them..
    even if they don't find you it will destroy their lives....I know ..I'm living this nightmare at the moment..I lost my son to siucide and my heart and my world is now broken...our whole family and his friends are also broken..
    please get yourself to the doctor and let him help you...also a therapist for your low self esteem would be good ....
    stay safe...here if you need to talk....
  9. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    Just wanted to say I am right there with you on the being ugly. To add to that I am scared of girls. I just lock up whenever I see them. You are not alone in your struggle just remember that.
  10. SeanW

    SeanW Member

    I'm really sorry to hear that...

    Thanks to you and everyone else for your kind words , they mean a lot :)
  11. pipilo

    pipilo Member

    I don't really know what I can say that can make any differance but I just want to tell you I hear what you're saying. While I cannot understand what you must be going through, I can see it is so hard for you but please kow, when you're feeing at your worst that I am thinking about you.
  12. jack5989

    jack5989 New Member

    i grew up different from everyone else. so i always thought i was ugly. turns out the perception of me being ugly created my worldview such that i effectively was ugly and so i didn't get girls in high school like all the other popular guys did.

    i traveled a bit and found some friends that i really connected with. i was always blessed with a good sense of humor and a way with people such that i rarely had enemies and those that became my enemy were only hating me because i didn't have enemies. i learned that i actually was good looking. it was so hard for me to accept compliments on my looks at first and the easier it got the worst my character became. i ended up hating what i had become. i wasn't the good guy who cared about people's feelings anymore. all i cared about was having sex and my own feelings. this only lasted two years before i fell back into dark and negative thoughts. everything is so relative.

    it's a funny thing about life. it isn't simply about breathing.. a beating heart... functional brain etc. i'm sure many of you here share the same feelings that i do in this regard. i feel dead even tho i breath, bleed and think. perhaps the thinking is what got me here. everyone is always telling me that i think too much. but i adamantly disagree.

    life is about perception. if we truly perceive ourselves as beautiful so do others (i've had some pretty ugly friends wind up with really hot girls simply because they had charisma and character). if we perceive a beautiful world we can create one. right now my mother perceives a wonderful son with great compassion and love and abilities. she knows that i am not happy right now and this makes her unhappy. i try my best to put on the face but it doesn't work. a mother knows best.. rarely is this untrue. if i were to kill myself this would destroy her worldview and her happiness and it would effectively kill her.

    i want so badly to die as well. i prayed to God to let me die in my sleep or to strike me down in lightening or something. just to kill me in some freak accident so my mom and dad... hell ALL my loved ones can remember my life at my funeral as opposed to everyone being focused on my death. at my funeral i want my life to be celebrated rather than my death to be mourned. i hate the idea that killing myself effectively kills a little bit of everyone else. my suicide would create a small hole that would only grow bigger and bigger the less my loved one's were able to forget about me. and sure some of them will and can forget about me, but even the one or two casualties scare me. i can't be selfish. i don't want to be. i know that i am, but i strive everyday to be a better person and even if i should kill myself i will try my best to keep up this pattern.

    you have many reasons to kill yourself but you have to understand that those reasons are most likely built upon false premises. i won't say you are pretty because there are some ugly people in the world. i won't say that you will always be happy, because happiness is relative: we can only experience enough good stuff before stuff becomes to get less good and eventually slide into bad. this is just the normal course of life but it gets better even tho we have to face hard times too. but see it sort of evens out. because if all we had were good things then there would be so little to appreciate. we need the bad things in our lives to teach us what is good. the darker it gets in your life the easier it becomes to spot that little speck of light. now what i CAN tell you is that if you look hard enough you will see that speck and the closer you get to it the brighter it will become. you have hope. we all do. you said you loved your parents? i'd say that a pretty bright speck. don't expect life to be void of the negative emotions you are feeling. life is a mixture of good and bad, but ultimately we create a good or bad death based on how we deal with the good and bad in our lives. suicide is not a good death because you not only kill yourself but you kill a little of everyone who loves you and the more that they love you the more that it kills them.

    death comes to all. there is no need to rush. if you can hang in there then i advise you to. i hope that this has been helpful on some level. good luck.
  13. shazwackers

    shazwackers Well-Known Member

    Hi Sean, I' sorry you are feeling so bad at the moment, but hang in there. I lost my mum to suicide 3 years ago and I still feel it every day.

    Also jabooty is so right about what a girl looks for........someone to make her laugh and most importantly......someone kind and honest. A man asked me out a year ago but I said no because I'd just come out of a psych ward and felt I had nothing to give. He is now with a really pretty lady and everyone is saying (unkindly) "what does she see in him?" He takes really good care of her and that's why. Often good looking men feel they don't have to make such an effort. My ex was really good looking and he went off with someone else so give me a kind hearted man any day who makes me laugh!
  14. rx4brdm

    rx4brdm Well-Known Member

    Hi Sean, I know what you are going through. Get some help. I am glad to see that you think of your parents before you do anything. Always remember that.

    I'm sure you got something in you to make the ladies happy, it's hard to find, but it will happen. Don't give up!

    As was said above, be a gentleman, it is a tribute that is quickly disappearing in today's society. That is the way I was brought up and it is usually what catches their attention from the beginning.
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