I relapsed last week on drugs and alcohol after having nearly four months of clean time... The most time I had ever had since I started drinking and using. I feel so ashamed, I feel like I am a worthless person and that my life is never going to get any better and I just want to get some [METHOD] and end my miserable excuse for a life. I just hate myself so much right now. I dont know what to do, and I dont know what I want to do. The only thing that would make me happy is if I were suffering and dying in the hospital.