Want to die

[Bagpuss18]

That's about it. I feel unable to talk to friends and family, as they're all fed up of me by now. I've been depressed for so long, it's like "oh it's nothing new; just ignore her". No one cares once it becomes a regular thing.

But seriously, I haven't felt this bad for a very long time. I feel so bad it's actually frightening me, and I'm pretty used to being depressed and screwed in the head. But this is dead, dead serious; I'm really scared.

The thing is, when I ask for help, there isn't anything any one can say or do to make any thing better. So why do I bother speaking out? I guess I just need to reach out. I'm sick of keeping this to myself, I need to talk, I need someone to listen. I need my friends, but I'm convinced most of them don't care.

 

[HakunaMatata]

Ollo,

Just be blunt to your friends and see if they'll provide an ear & listen to you. Maybe, you'd be willing to seek help yourself? Like, you could get a number for a therapist and go from there. If you want, i'll listen to you over facebook now.
You could also write any feelings/thoughts down on a notepad, i dunno, this just gets thing off my mind & then i'll listen to music, play video games, or watch TV to have 'fun'.

 

[Petal]

Hi, Have you tried counselling? bottling things up isn't a good idea. do you have any close friends you could talk to?

 

[Bagpuss18]

I don't have any friends that I feel able to turn to at the moment. Either because they're really busy, or having a rough time themselves, or just are never there for me, or even just aren't people I can go to. :-(

I've had loads of counselling but it never works. If I could have counselling through writing letters to a therapist, and not seeing them face to face, that would work awesomely for me, but I don't know any where that does that.

I wish I had a good friend nearby, who could come round and keep me safe. :-(

I really don't feel safe tonight. :-(

 

[Bullzye]

Hi, how are you doing?
I have been in a very very similar situation to you; no family, and i dont have any friends who understand, and yes it feels they are sick of hearing the same stuff from me.
I think that when you dont have anyone close to speak to what about speaking to someone whose job it is to listen eg samaritans. i have found they are a great help in the moment of severe crisis. You can also e-mail them:- http://www.samaritans.org/talk_to_someone/email.aspx
Do you have any plans for tomorrow? try to find something to focus on, even if it is something small eg going for a walk especially if the weather is nice (heaps of people have told me that this is good for mental health and i have found that they are right), or cook your favorite food or go to favorite restaurant.
Are you under a mental health team, or are you getting any help from anyone from the mental health service?
if you feel really unsafe, that you dont trust yourself, go to A+E, they will find someone to help you. dont suffer in silence, been there done that, it doesnt benefit you, and in the end its your life so take control of it!
hope this helps x

 

[Bagpuss18]

I've come up with an idea, but I need a very good friend to help with it. I have a few people to ask, otherwise I shall have to, well, I dunno what, actually.

Basically, I thought about making some kind of journal. Maybe like art/writing to express and/or distract myself. Maybe some target setting. But I just want someone to be by my side while I do that. Not necessarily physically, but emotionally. I don't want it to be a therapist though.

I don't know how I've got through the last few days, but I have, and it made me feel like, woohoo, I did it. But now I'm starting to think, but now there's another day to get through. And another one. And the one after that. And it all seems so pointless. Nothing changes. It's always the same.

I'm confused and I keep contradicting myself. I keep thinking of something positive, and then it changes over, and then it changes back again.