Man, i have been feeling suicidal for as long as i remember. Its worse these days. Only now i have a 2 year old. I know people will say, just look at your boy, how can you do that. But thatsjust it. Im such a screw up. I drink too much which my lady hates. I dont get beligerant or physical, i just have fun and im more talkitive. She worries about my health, i underunderstand it. But if im sober, the suicidal thoughts come back. I need to be numb. Its getting easier and easier to come to the conclusion that i have. I know they will be happier in the long run without me and i cant bear to live without them which is where its heading. I dont see how i can live this way much longer. I quit drinking but im still incompetent and lousy at everything.