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want to escape

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Wastingecho, Feb 26, 2010.

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  1. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    yesterday i started taking pills at the office but stopped after i started getting nauseus

    managed to get home by 7:00 and just wanted to lay down

    next thing i know my wife has called for an ambulance to take me to the hospital

    staff made her take my clothes home and i had to lay on a gurney - not sleeping - all night in the hall by myself getting moved from wall to wall desperately trying to make sure i didn't get send to 5 north (psych wing)

    almost-shrink finally comes to talk to me at 11 this morning - gave me a list of psychiatrists in the area and sent me home

    managed to convince everyone that i took too many by accident since they were old and didn't seem to be as strong anymore

    my wife threw out the rest of the bottle

    i still have twice what i took back in the office anyway

    i just want to escape
  2. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    I'm so glad you're okay!! :hug: Sorry you had to go through that hell last night though.
  3. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    god i really wanted it to work
  4. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    Has anything happened to make you feel so bad and desperate?

    I too am glad it didn't work, but that probably doesn't help with how wretched you feel right now.

    I'm also sorry that the psych was so useless. Do you have any support at the moment?
  5. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    there's no one left that i can trust anymore
  6. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    What makes you think that? Who has broken your trust?
  7. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    my wife - read the end of my last thread if you want the details
  8. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    It sounds like your wife feels very scared for you and did what she felt was best. Right now you can't see it was best, but maybe in the future, you might.

    What could she do, do you think, that might help you?
  9. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    i don't think i can be helped

    i'm sorry i've wasted everyones time
  10. 41021

    41021 Banned Member

    you've not wasted anyones time.


    come talk. please talk. please tell us what you are feeling and thinking.

    come on echo

  11. swimmergirl

    swimmergirl Well-Known Member

    Please take care of yourself. I am so worried about you. I am here.
  12. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    i feel like i'm living on borrowed time and the clock is winding down

    i don't think i can do what everyone wants me to do

    i feel like i'm going to die all alone
  13. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    When we struggle it can be hard to believe that there is help for us. However, if you keep fighting, and trying a different variety of things, you will eventually find what helps. It may not cure te pain, but it may help ease it, or give you a purpose to work through it.

    You've not wasted anyone's time. you're in pain and you reached out, which is great.
  14. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    i've run out of things that are supposed to "work"

    - hospitalization
    - medication
    - one-on-one therapy
    - group therapy
    - visualization
    - music therapy
    - art therapy
    - meditation
    - journal

    shall i go on?

    now my wife thinks i should ask about ECT - not in a million years
  15. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    Not everything works for everyone, nor is it designed to. However, we can take bits and bobs from different things, which can, over time, have a large impact. Also, doing different things at different times can give you different experiences, so what didn't help much before, maybe help at a different point.

    There are also things outside of the mental health sector that can help and make a difference.

    Sometimes though we need to take a break from those fights and just look after ourselves really well, sort of recharge our batteries, if you like. Maybe right now you need to try and look after yourself to recharge your batteries, because it sounds like things have been pretty rough recently.
  16. 41021

    41021 Banned Member

    would getting away to a friend's house help? do you have a buddy who would let you stay with them a couple days? sometimes a change helps.

    you can trust people here, yes?

    please just hold on...focus on being safe. keep typing at us...it will keep you occupied for a while. maybe what you write, will help us find a way to help you.

    i know you are tired of this...i know so well. please just find a way to lean on us and let us help carry you through this.

    i am here for you.

  17. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    I am worried bout you Echo...I'm so sorry the hospital didn't help...
    i pray you find something to give you hope because I want you to stay here with us...
    never feel you are wasting our time...we want to help if we can.....
  18. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    there's no where to get away to

    25 years of commuting from the middle of long island to work in manhattan hasn't left me any time for making any friends

    i don't know anyone well enough at work and i don't know anybody here

    i can't think of anywhere safe

    i can't even hug my wife or kids anymore
  19. 41021

    41021 Banned Member

    we need to create a retreat. i think it would be helpful. sometimes just a change of scene can help give ppl a bit of energy to keep fighting.

    keep talking here. just stay here. at least here you can express your thoughts and feelings safely. sometimes i just hang out in the forums, when things get really bad, and i just try to read. i guess in a way it helps me stay connected. doesn't always work but often enough it helps.

    something else that has helped is there is a member here who would share you tubes with me. I've watched little tv over the years and they would send interesting and often humorous clips. even when i felt lousy it kind of helped me change my focus, was a bit of diversion. sometimes we would just share music. it really helped. i've also watched movies on you tube with other members...just kind of message back and forth. it's not the same as someone being there, but it really does help.

    i'm just trying to come up with ideas that might help, my thinking is messed up so they are slow coming.

    we are all still here for you. we care about you.

  20. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    too tired to think

    going to try and cry myself to sleep
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