Want to give up....

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Special-Agent-Gibbs, Oct 6, 2016.

  1. Special-Agent-Gibbs

    Special-Agent-Gibbs Safety and Support SF Pro SF Supporter

    I am really struggling.... I can't deal with this anymore... All I think about is the abuse............. I want to die.. I know that I should talk about it but I don't have anyone that I trust enough to tell them everything.... I wish that I had someone...

    I should just kill myself..... I am worthless anyway, no one would miss me, no one would care... I wish I could just get up the strength to go through with it.
     
  2. moxman

    moxman Well-Known Member

    Blaine, talk to me. I know you are scared, I know you are hurting. lean on me buddy, I have you but you need to talk to me before I can help you
     
  3. moxman

    moxman Well-Known Member

    I would care, we are friends
     
  4. Rockclimbinggirl

    Rockclimbinggirl SF climber Staff Member Safety & Support

    Hugs. You are not worthless.
     
  5. JustCan'tQuit

    JustCan'tQuit Well-Known Member

    I'm really sorry you're feeling this brutal.

    Your abusers' treatment of you made you *feel* worthless, yes, but the worthless behaviour was theirs.

    If you carry on abusing yourself with self-hate or worse, you're simply carrying out their orders. Don't sign up to be your own abuser!

    No matter how sickening whatever they did to you was, it says nothing about you whatsoever, just them. No matter how it made you feel, you're still clean, decent, pure.

    It's okay to give yourself compassion and care. You don't need to punish yourself for what they did to you. You don't need to destroy yourself.

    Let the gentle, caring people here help you figure out how to care for yourself. You deserve that.
     
    SunShine1973 likes this.
  6. DarthBrett

    DarthBrett Lone warrior against his demons

    You are not worthless, you are not alone. You are with friends here, please let us help you carry the burden. Please stay safe my friend.
     
    SunShine1973 likes this.
  7. Frances M

    Frances M Mountain Woman

    Sending you hugs and hoping you can get through this. xx
     
    SunShine1973 likes this.
  8. Special-Agent-Gibbs

    Special-Agent-Gibbs Safety and Support SF Pro SF Supporter

    Thanks for responding everyone... I am not doing much better today. I wish he would have just killed me. Then at least I would not have to suffer through this life. I'm not sure how much longer I can go on like this.... :(
     
    Frances M likes this.
  9. SunShine1973

    SunShine1973 Active Member

    Spend as much time as you can here this forum and the people here can help you stay safe and help ease your pain
     
  10. JustCan'tQuit

    JustCan'tQuit Well-Known Member

    Hi, Special-Agent-Gibbs,

    I'm relieved you're still with us. Stick around. Things truly can get better, if you can create a path to a life you'd prefer.

    For now, it's good that you're hanging on.

    The fact that you're suffering now does not mean you have to suffer for the rest of your life.

    It might help to consider what you're suffering from, because you might find clues to your recovery.

    Are you still suffering from a physical injury that's never healed?
    Was emotional abuse part of the picture? Were you told the abuse was your fault, that you were worthless? (Abusers usually do this.)
    Are you suffering mainly from shame? Is it the memories that keep you from holding your head up?
    Is it something else?

    In the first case, treatment for chronic pain might help.
    In the second and third cases, there are many ways to begin to heal your sense of who you are (and who you still could be and the life you could have).

    Your abuse was evidently pretty bad--so let's take whatever he said and did as examples of truly vile, worthless behaviour.
    Now, compare that with the times you have helped other people, say, on this site.
    It's immediately obvious that you have the capacity to be kind, caring, supportive.
    This is evidence that you are very much not worthless.

    As to who might care whether you're alive or not, certainly the people here would. And many, many people in the world would. There are many who care for those who are suffering.
    Also, there are likely more people from your own life than you realize who would care: old friends, former teachers, people you may not even remember.

    But much more important than their opinion is your own. Did you deserve the abuse and neglect? No. Do you deserve to die by murdering yourself? Definitely, no.
    You DO deserve compassion, care, friendship, things to look forward to, healing, love, happiness, dreams and the fulfilment of dreams.
    You deserve to get to a point where you can like yourself again, and respect yourself, and benefit from the time you have on this earth.

    Figure out something you could do that might help you--talk to someone here if you have no idea--and take that single step forward. And then take another.
    You will start to see that it's in your power to make your life better, much closer to what you hoped for.
    Healing takes time, but it can be done.
     
    SunShine1973 likes this.
  11. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I am sorry that I did not see this post 'til now, just want to say I would care if you were gone. You're a lovely person and you have a huge heart and great mind. Please do not give up :)
     
    SunShine1973 likes this.